1. How to Quit Comparing Yourself to Others

    Stop the comparison trap

    Do you find you’re regularly comparing yourself to others? For example, you’re at the gym, in the middle of a great workout, feeling strong and accomplished. Just as you’re about to start your cool-down, someone gets on the treadmill next to you and cranks the speed up. Their toned legs that go on for miles make yours look, well, stumpy, and you can’t help but notice multiple people staring at her. She’s wearing the trendiest workout clothes, and you suddenly feel incredibly self-conscious in your fitness fashion choices. How on earth is she not even breaking a sweat, while you’re there make-up free and drenched?!

    Back at home, you start scrolling through Facebook. It’s filled with your friends’ happy photos and cheery status updates about the new house they just bought in a super desirable neighborhood. You’ve been coveting a home just like theirs for years now, saving little by little, but your dream is still years away from becoming a reality.

    You start to think, “what did they do right that I didn’t? I should have gotten that raise last year—that would really have helped me out. I guess I’m not putting in enough hours after all, but there is just so much to do between working a full-time job, raising two kids, and dealing with a spouse who travels for work all the time. I’ll never get there…”

    Have you ever found yourself a situation like this?

    This is the comparison trap in action, and it’s bringing you down.

  2. Lukewarm Coffee and Major Mistakes: My Sensitive Striving Story

    One summer Saturday night, sitting at a half-empty Starbucks in NYC, I realized how much my addiction to achievement had taken from my life.

    That evening was rare in New York City—it was the perfect weather to walk in Central Park or have drinks on a rooftop with friends.

    Instead of having fun, I was sitting by myself nursing a lukewarm latte and realizing that I had made a terrible mistake.

    I had just bailed last minute on a close friend’s wedding weekend. My hotel was paid for, travel arrangements were made, and I was excited to see all of my friends from college in one place.

    But the anticipation was always accompanied by guilt. I couldn’t shake the constant reminders from my inner critic:

    “You have work to do. Who do you think you are taking an entire weekend off? What about your career? Everyone is going to think you’re lazy.”

    At the time I was working in a high-pressure job as a researcher. When I wasn’t running around frantically trying to accomplish everything on my never-ending to-do list, I was squished between Wall Street bankers on a bus heading into or out of New York City at rush hour, with a two-hour commute ahead. Every day, I’d wake up at dawn and go non-stop until I fell asleep with my computer on the bed. Then I’d do it all again the next day. 

    From the outside, it looked like I had it all.

  3. What is a Sensitive Striver?

    Sensitive Striving

    A Sensitive Striver is a high achiever who is also more sensitive to their emotions, the world, and the behavior of those around them than most people. Sensitive Strivers are innately predisposed to process information more deeply than their less-sensitive peers. Because of this, they have a heightened stress response. They are highly attuned to their own emotions and the emotions of others. They can pick up on subtle changes in their environment and those around them.

    At the same time, Sensitive Strivers are driven to succeed, and when their sensitivity and ambition come together, it can be a tricky combination. Because they are easily overwhelmed, they often succumb to the stress that is a natural byproduct of their ambition. Common workplace situations like getting feedback, giving a presentation, or even deciding what to eat for lunch are more challenging than they are for people who are less sensitive.

    One Example of Sensitive Striving

    Kelly’s job was killing her spirit.

    When she originally started as social services director at a large county agency, she’d been excited to lead a team and take her career to the next level. The agency’s mission of serving underprivileged children fueled her. All her mentors said that with her drive and ambition, she was perfectly positioned to quickly step into a VP role.

    But, due to budget shortfalls and changes in management, Kelly’s team had been short-staffed for the past three years, which left Kelly to pick up the slack.

  4. Announcing My New Book

    It’s impossible for me to contain my excitement, so I’ll come right out and share that … I’M WRITING A BOOK!!!!

    Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking, Master Your Emotions, and Channel Your Ambition for Success is slated to be published in Spring 2021 by the fabulous team at Chronicle Prism, an imprint of Chronicle Books.

    This team has created New York Times best-sellers like Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and worked with notable authors such as Paulo Coelho, Marianne Williamson, Rob Bell, others.

    The Official Book Announcement:

    Believe it or not, this book has been years in the making. I started writing the proposal in 2016. I scrapped multiple versions of it – and hundreds of pages – trying to find and refine the idea. 

    With each draft, my editor and agent encouraged me to find the thread that unified my story, struggles, and successes as well as those of my clients.

    And when I dug deep to listen to myself and your experiences, one thing became very clear…

    Our built-in sensitivities and ambition shape the way we view our careers and ourselves. They’re our superpowers. But these qualities can also make us more susceptible to stress, emotional overwhelm, and overthinking that hold us back from reaching our full potential.

    If this sounds familiar, then you may be a Sensitive Striver.

    What are Sensitive Strivers?

    Put simply, Sensitive Strivers are high-achievers who think and feel everything more deeply.

  5. How to Deal With Setbacks

    manage setbacks and be successful

    We all know life has its challenges and setbacks. The 21st century brings us smaller workforces, more responsibility, and expectations from others 24/7. Doing the work of two or more people, the phone that never stops ringing and the boss who gives you something she needs yesterday can frustrate anyone. This pressure can knock you off focus and test your will, but you don’t have to let it discourage you.

    Achieving success requires risks – lots of them. Studies have shown that those who rise to the top have emotional courage, or a willingness to persist in the face of regularly hearing “no”. Pushing through the rejection, criticism, and disappointment can toughen us.

    Teddy Roosevelt once said about his days in the wild: “There were all kinds of things I was afraid of at first… but by acting as if I was not afraid I gradually ceased to be afraid”. Courageous people see challenges as opportunities to grow.

    Reconnecting with the determination that’s helped you succeed takes re-examining your strengths and a little creativity. When challenging scenarios have you hanging your head, shore up your confidence with these skills so you can get back up, dust yourself off and look the challenge in the eye to overcome.

    What To Do When: You Have Too Many Simultaneous Priorities

    The more successful we are, the more this becomes an issue. Demands come from multiple directions, and somehow they all are the “most important” one right now.

  6. 5 Steps to Stay Sane When Launching a Side Hustle

    side hustle

    Slash careerists, moonlighting, freelancing. TThere are many terms for working extra jobs, but no matter what you call it, more than 44 million people have side hustles.

    Millennials aren’t the only ones creating new sources of income while holding down a day job. Baby boomers are cashing in on the trend as well. Soon-to-be-retirees out-earn Millennials when it comes to side hustle income, taking home an average of $1,000 a month.

    The opportunity and potential for side hustles is exciting. Many successful entrepreneurs have turned a passion project into a full-time business.

    But making the time for a side hustle when you’re already busy can be a challenge. Starting a new venture also carries a lot of stress. There’s no shortage of emotional ups-and-downs when you’re embarking on any creative endeavor, side hustles included. The late nights and hard work can take a toll.

    How do you stay sane while building a side hustle?

    Here are a few tips to help:

    1. Rely on systems and a schedule

    Look for ways to limit decision fatigue by automating parts of your life. Create a capsule wardrobe. Outsource laundry, dry cleaning, or meal planning. That will create more margin and white space so you can focus on meaningful work.

    What gets scheduled gets done. Build time for your side hustle into your schedule, even if that means waking up a few hours earlier for a month or zeroing your inbox after the kids go to bed.

Master your psychology with therapeutic insights for your life, relationships, & career