Master your psychology with therapeutic insights for your life, relationships, & career
  1. BIG NEWS: I’m giving a TEDx Talk!

    I’m thrilled to finally announce some big news…

    I’m giving a TEDx talk!

    Speaking at a TED event has been a dream of mine for a long time. I’m even more excited for the opportunity to give voice to a silent struggle I see so many of my readers and the women I work with battle every. single. day.

    Here’s more about the counter-intuitive – and somewhat controversial – idea I’ll be sharing, plus how you can get in on the fun.

    You can purchase tickets and learn more about the event here: melodywilding.com/tedxbergencommunitycollege

    This is a message that’s close to my heart and one I’m adamant about spreading. Thank you to the organizers for selecting me and to everyone who encouraged me to pursue this opportunity. I’m forever grateful for your support and would be honored for you to take this ride with me.

    Journeying to the TEDx stage has already been a growth experience in so many unexpected ways — from learning how to apply the psychology of storytelling to craft my talk, to asking for help and feedback, and also greeting old, fear-based stories and limiting beliefs coming up.

    My hope is that getting real about what I’m going through and giving you a glimpse inside the process (hint: it’s far from perfect) will give you the courage to take more risks and make things happen in your own life. I’m practicing using my voice in new and more vulnerable ways, and all I ask for is that you give yourself permission to do the same.

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  2. Come From a ‘Dysfunctional’ Family? You’d Make a Great Entrepreneur

    We’re living in a golden age of entrepreneurship.

    There’s never been a more favorable time for founders, freelancers and members of the side-hustle generation seeking to define success on their own terms.

    Look around and you’ll find no shortage of inspirational figures leading the way. They are today’s visionaries, including self-made women who have built history-making brands with genius, guts and grit such as Meg Whitman, Sara Blakely and Arianna Huffington to name a few. They’re the founders of game-changing companies that have revolutionized our culture, technology and economy–from SpaceX, 23andMe, Zipcar, Uber, Amazon and countless others.  The list grows longer every day.

    But what of their paths to greatness? Are there traits successful entrepreneurs share?

    How Great Entrepreneurs Face Adversity: Dysfunctional Family Theory

    We know that it takes more than a great idea to launch a business. But what gives some smart, ambitious trailblazers the edge above others?

    Lean Startup pioneer and Stanford professor Steve Blank has a theory that it lies in their psychological makeup. After decades in Silicon Valley watching companies come and go, he observed that great startup CEOs seemed to have similiar personality traits, including passion, tenacity and a remarkable comfort operating in chaos.

    Blank and his venture capital colleagues noted another peculiar pattern–that a disproportionate number of founders came from dysfunctional families. In his ideas on “dysfunctional family theory” first articulated in 2009, Blank posits that many (not all) entrepreneurs come from a less than white-picket-fence, Brady-Bunch-esque upbringing.

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  3. How To Speak Confidently in Meetings (Even If You’re Anxious)

    Another meeting is coming up at work, and you’re dreading it.

    Like so many professionals–probably many more than you realize—it’s not a comfortable environment for you. Maybe you’re shy, introverted or you genuinely enjoy listening to others’ ideas. Perhaps it’s important to you to show respect by deferring to the leaders at the table.

    Situational factors can play a part too. Certain co-workers may dominate the discussion, not allowing you to get a word in edgewise.

    Whatever the case, sitting frozen through yet another meeting can be a terrible feeling. By now you might even take it for granted that feeling self-conscious in meetings is part of the job. You may wonder if it’s really worth all of the effort to speak up, especially if it doesn’t come naturally to you.

    Elevating your visibility at work is essential if you want your career to evolve and grow. You work hard and have great ideas to contribute—you should be making an impact and getting the recognition you deserve.

    If you want to get ahead, then it’s important that your voice is heard. It’s within your power to take control and ditch a habit of staying silent in favor of speaking up.

    Here are some very simple strategies you can confidently implement at your very next meeting. With a little practice, you’ll finally feel like the integral team member you’ve always been.

    1. Banish Pre-Meeting Jitters.

    Your hands are shaky. Your stomach is doing somersaults.

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  4. Stop Saying “I’m Sorry” So Much: 3 Steps to Take

    Do either of these situations sound familiar?

    • You start an email to your boss with, “I’m sorry to bother you, but…”
    • A colleague plops their papers down on the conference table, knocking your coffee over. “Sorry! Let me get this stuff out of your way,” you say as you begin cleaning up.

    Maybe you’ve fallen into this over-apologizing trap or have found yourself saying “I’m sorry” for things that don’t merit an apology in the first place.

    It’s a bad habit that can morph into a reflex reaction. This self-defeating pattern of behavior can not only be exhausting to you, but also to everyone around you including your co-workers, boss and family.

    Why Do We Apologize So Much?

    This apology impulse may have its roots in childhood. Many women (and men!) are taught to uphold the value of politeness. It’s socialized into our psyches that being nice equates to likability.

    Apologizing excessively can be the result of a genuine desire to demonstrate respect. It can become problematic, however, when we hold others’ opinions and reactions in overly high regard. Old habits die hard and unfortunately those well intentioned attempts to be deferential can sabotage us years later.

    A tendency to over-apologize may stem from an aversion to conflict. Apologizing can sometimes be a misdirected means of claiming responsibility in order to make a problem disappear–a preemptive peace-keeping strategy–regardless of whether or not you deserve blame in the first place.

    Constantly apologizing can have negative side effects on your career, from giving the appearance of incompetence to annoying your colleagues and superiors with your self-deprecating style.

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  5. Why Accomplishing More Won’t Make You Happier (And What Will)

    Do these sound like promises you’ve made to yourself?

    • Once I get the promotion, I’ll feel like my career is on track.
    • After this busy period, I won’t have to work so much and can spend time doing things I enjoy.
    • When I make six-figures, I’ll be financially secure enough to move across the country/start a family/write a book.

    In our goal-oriented society, setting an objective to work toward is often a powerful motivator that drives professional and personal progress.

    In theory this may not sound like a bad thing, but what if when you achieve that goal, life doesn’t really look or feel any different? For example, have you ever completed one project only to realize that there’s now even more to do, meaning you’re further from the work-life balance you so desperately crave? Others may relate to the confusing feeling of finally getting or a raise or promotion, only to remain haunted by anxiety and a sneaking sense of disillusionment.

    This disconcerting let down has name. Commonly known as the arrival fallacy, it’s a psychological thought trap high-achievers are all too familiar with.

    Here’s how the arrival fallacy works along with what you can do to counteract it and reach new heights of success.

    The Arrival Fallacy: What It Is And How it Works

    The arrival fallacy–a term introduced by positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar in his book Happier–operates on the idea that in the process of working toward a goal, you come to expect that you will in fact reach it.

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  6. Positive Thinking Doesn’t Work. Here’s What Does.

    There’s no shortage of self-help gurus who swear that repeating positive phrases to yourself can change your life, encouraging that if you simply tell yourself “I am strong and successful”, your fears will simply disappear.

    If you’ve tried using positive affirmations, you know that it can be a difficult habit to maintain. You may spend five, 10 or even 20 minutes reciting your affirmation, but the other 23 hours of the day? Chances are that your mind drifts back to old, repetitive thoughts that have burned deep grooves in your brain.

    The problem with positive affirmations is that they operate at the surface level of conscious thinking and do nothing to contend with the subconscious mind where limiting beliefs really live.

    It goes without saying that if you command yourself to think “I am abundant and attract wealth”, yet your deeply held core belief is that you are never enough or unworthy of your success, your brain will be quick to incite an inner war. If you trying tell yourself “I am successful”, but you struggle with insecurity regarding your skills and accomplishments, your subconscious may likely remind you of the many times you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of your boss or made a mistake at work (trust me, we’ve all been there!).

    The truth is that it’s natural and healthy to experience a range of feelings, including less pleasant ones like disappointment, sadness or guilt. While there’s no question that ruminating in negative emotions can turn toxic, whitewashing your insecurities with positive thinking is merely a temporary fix.

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Master your psychology with therapeutic insights for your life, relationships, & career