How do you become fully confident and in control of your emotions and experience at work? It’s by mastering your own psychology and that of others. On this show, we decode the science of success, exploring how to get out of your own way and advance your career to new levels without becoming someone you’re not.

I’m Melody Wilding, bestselling author. Hume behavior professor and award winning executive coach. Get ready and let’s put psychology to work for you.

I started this podcast because I began to notice something interesting in my work first as a therapist. And now for the last 10 plus years as an executive coach, we spend so much time working on ourselves, our confidence, our boundaries, our own self doubt and that internal work. It’s extremely important, but here’s what nobody tells you.

And what many of us don’t discover until it’s too late . Success at work, isn’t just about managing your own psychology. It’s about understanding and navigating everyone else’s too. I want you to just think about your typical day at work. You’re not just dealing with your own thoughts and feelings. You’re dealing with your bosses, stress levels, your colleagues, insecurities, the power dynamics that happen in meetings, the unwritten rules of your workplace culture.

And if you’re anything like the thousands of professionals, my team and I work with every day, then I bet some of these things I’m going to share next sound pretty familiar, maybe too familiar to you.

You second guess every decision before running it by your boss. You get defensive or you feel hurt when you’re hit with unexpected feedback. You struggle to ask for what you need, whether it’s resources, flexibility, help, support.

And what’s the usual advice we get when these things happen? We’re usually told, well, work on your confidence. You need to take better care of yourself. Practice more self care, be kinder to yourself. That’s usually the types of things we hear.

But here is what I have discovered, what I know for sure, after years of studying workplace dynamics. The root cause of these struggles often isn’t what you think. It’s not what you’ve been told. It’s not always that you lack confidence. It’s not that you need more therapy to dissect your childhood and your personality. It’s not that you’re too sensitive or you just need to toughen up or suck it up.

It’s that no one ever taught you the most essential career skill. And I believe that is managing up. I define managing up as strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you. And primarily this is your boss, right? Or your boss’s boss.

And before I go any further on this, I want to invite you to a free training. I’m hosting on January 27th at 5 p. m. Eastern. And it’s called managing up mastery, fast track your next promotion and get the money projects and flexibility others only dream about. And for the first time ever, I am revealing my complete framework that’s going to set you on the path to more freedom, autonomy, and authority at work.

This is going to be an hour long, totally free training. And what I’m going to share with you is why traditional managing up advice backfires and actually how it can make your boss respect you less. We don’t want that. I’m going to walk you through the exact 10 conversations, the exact roadmap you must have to manage up effectively.

Finally, turning what feels like this vague soft skill into a clear actionable blueprint that you can follow. I’m also going to share with you the hidden reason why some of your coworkers seem to get instant buy in for their ideas and their requests while yours seem to fall flat. And it’s because usually people go out of sequence with these conversations and that really messes things up.

And I’m going to walk you through how do you land that six figure salary bump, that dream project that work from anywhere flexibility that you’ve been eyeing. Without working 80 hour weeks or having to be your boss’s favorite. Now, fair warning, since this is the first time I am teaching this framework publicly, spots are going to fill up fast for this.

Now, again, it is 100 percent free. There’s no reason not to grab your spot. So you want to head to melodywilding. com slash training. It’s melodywilding. com slash training and RSVP now. Okay. The link will also be in the show notes and don’t worry if you can’t make it live or you can’t stay for the whole thing.

That’s no problem. We will send you the replay.

Now, I want you to just think about how work has changed in the past few years. I bet you would agree that leaders are more stressed. They are more distracted than ever. They are juggling multiple teams, often across different time zones. They’re dealing with constant reorganizations, shifting priorities every day, pressure from their own bosses.

And guess what? All of that stress and uncertainty, it trickles down to you. Your boss’s calendar is probably packed with back to back meetings. So you get vague feedback in really hurried, rushed Slack messages, like really short messages. The strategic high level big picture discussions you want to have get replaced by these tactical check the box fire drills, where you’re just rushing through a set of items.

That promotion conversation you’ve wanted to have for six months, a year. It just keeps getting pushed back. Your requests, they just hang in limbo because your boss says, well, I just, I need to carve out some time to think about this more.

This is the new reality of work. This is not changing, right? This is the world we live in now, and maybe it’s, it’s only going to get like this further.

And so we have two choices. You have two choices. Number one, you can keep venting about this situation to your spouse, to your friends. You can keep commenting on posts on LinkedIn about how leadership needs to be more empathetic. You can do that all till the cows come home. You can keep hoping that your next role, the next boss you get, that it’s going to be different. Or option number two, you can learn to operate from a position of personal power at work.

Even if you don’t have positional power. That’s what managing up is all about.

We have to be real here. Your boss will continue to dump last minute projects on your desk. Senior leaders will continue to make decisions that affect your work without consulting you. That executive will continue to push back on your requests.

The workplace is never going to stop being the workplace. And as I say to my clients all the time, people are going to people. You have to be prepared for that. You can’t control any of that, but you can control how you choose to navigate it. Your success, peace of mind, your professional happiness doesn’t just depend on your performance anymore.

It doesn’t just depend on hitting your metrics. It depends on your ability to get clear direction when your boss is scattered. To make your ideas heard when everyone is overwhelmed. To get buy in for resources when budgets are really tight. To turn that occasional, okay, you can work from home this week into more of a permanent arrangement. But we now have so many fewer organic opportunities to build relationships with those above us.

Many of us are hybrid, some of us are still fully remote, and even so your boss, even if you are in the office full time, your leaders may not be there full time, or they’re in meetings throughout the day. And so that means every interaction with them carries more weight. Every conversation is an opportunity to either strengthen or weaken your influence. Every meeting is a chance to either reinforce your value or fade into the background.

And then of course there is AI. You know, I almost hesitated to talk about this because AI is such a trendy buzzword right now. But we can’t ignore how it’s reshaping the value of our skills and what’s needed in the workplace.

And we see this, AI is getting better every single day at the tactical, the executional work, like writing code, analyzing data, drafting documents. So that means what sets you apart in the next one to five to ten years isn’t going to be your technical expertise for very much longer. It’s going to be your ability to communicate, to navigate the complex human dynamics that are happening around you.

AI can write a report, but it can’t decode your boss’s nonverbal cues in a meeting. It can analyze data, but it’s not going to be able to persuade a skeptical senior leader to take on a risk. And go through with your idea, it can schedule meetings, but it can’t build the type of relationship and trust that turns your boss into your biggest advocate.

All of this, all of these reasons is why managing up. Again, your ability to navigate relationships with the people above you, why managing up has become the ultimate career skill. Because it’s not just about getting along with your boss anymore or getting promoted every year. Although that is, that is great.

I want that for you. But managing up is really about knowing how to get what you need in an environment where attention is scarce. Resources are scarce. Decisions happen faster. Face to face time is very limited. You need to be able to walk into any meeting feeling prepared instead of anxious. You need to be able to turn vague feedback into clear action steps.

And have the right words to ask for what you need with conviction and actually get it.

Since you’re listening to this show, I think you will also agree that true success is not just about getting ahead. It’s not just about climbing the ladder, getting the next title. It’s about finding peace of mind, about having confidence and pride in your daily work and how you’re showing up in your career.

The professionals who actually achieve that, they are not waiting for the perfect conditions. They’re not waiting for the perfect boss because they know that doesn’t exist. They’re not the ones posting inspirational, passive aggressive quotes about leadership on LinkedIn, hoping that their boss just magically gets the message. They are the ones who have accepted and embraced that managing up is a skill.

It’s a skill, just like public speaking, writing concisely, just like any other professional competency you are measured on and have to achieve. It’s a skill.

That is great news though, because it means managing up can be learned. You don’t need to wait until you magically feel more confident. You don’t need to become more assertive or outgoing first. You don’t need to watch your difficult boss leave and just bide your time. You don’t need your company culture to change.

I’ve seen this work for overthinkers who spiral after every interaction with their boss for the people pleasers who say yes to everything. The perfectionists who hold back their ideas until they’re, they’re just right. They’re just perfectly ready for the quiet professionals who think they need to be louder to be heard.

Managing up, especially in the way I’m going to teach it to you in my upcoming training. And remember, grab your spot, melodywilding. com slash training. The way I’m going to teach you managing up works regardless of your natural style, because it’s not about changing who you are.

We’re talking about understanding the invisible dynamics that drive workplace behavior. And the best part is that you don’t have to memorize really intricate steps. You don’t have to make huge sweeping changes. I want you to think of this more like a game of chess. Where you move one piece slightly differently at the beginning, and that can change how the entire game unfolds.

And the same is true with managing up. Having one conversation differently, timing one request more strategically, framing one idea more effectively. All those small incremental shifts can totally transform how leaders see you and work with you. And also let me add how you feel about yourself. So this is a skill anyone can learn.

And unlike many other career skills, what’s really neat about this is the results can show up almost immediately.

But I want to address the elephant in the room, something that may be holding you back or where you’re feeling a bit resistant to this idea of, okay, is managing up really the number one career skill, no one ever taught me? Because what I hear all the time. Is, well, Melody, why should I have to be the one to manage up? Shouldn’t my boss just be better at their job? This feels like extra emotional labor that should not be mine to carry. And I can already feel, I can already feel you nodding. I get it. I get it.

Managing up. It can feel unfair. It can feel frustrating, can feel like it’s yet another thing on your plate. And that makes total sense. But I want to give you a shift that I’ve shared with many, many other clients that can really unlock something new for you. Managing up isn’t extra work you have to do.

It is not about compensating for your boss’s shortcomings. Managing up actually isn’t about your boss at all. It’s about you. It’s about you getting what you need to be at your best. And make work easier for you, more pleasant for you, less stressful. It’s about creating the conditions that let you do your best work, setting up systems that give you more breathing room.

When you master managing up, what really changes? Think about it. That your boss may still be scattered. They may still be stressed. You can’t change them. They might still give you vague feedback or make really annoying last minute requests. But you become different, your capacity, your ability to get clear direction.

Even when your boss is unclear. You develop the skill to get buy in for your ideas, even when budgets are tight. You learn how to protect your time when everybody else is in crisis mode. Again, let’s go back to that idea that true success is not just about climbing the ladder. It’s about having control over your day, over your experience at work, feeling confident in your decisions, how you’re presenting yourself, being able to articulate, set boundaries without guilt to share your ideas.

Managing up is a skillset that gives you all of that, because at the end of the day, managing up isn’t about changing your boss. It’s about changing how you navigate the relationship in a way that serves you.

So think of it this way, right now you’re already doing extra emotional labor. You are already stressing about how to phrase that email.

You’re already absorbing your boss’s anxiety, losing sleep over their feedback, working longer hours because you don’t know how to say no effectively. All of that is happening right now. Managing up, learning to do it well, again, in the way I’m going to teach you in this training, it actually reduces your emotional labor because instead of being reactive to whatever comes your way, instead of trying to mind read what your boss wants, you’re operating from a clear framework that puts you in control.

It’s almost the difference between, I think about being tossed around in the ocean, being tossed around by workplace dynamics versus knowing how to surf, knowing how to ride them. So yes, in an ideal world, every boss would be an excellent manager.

I wish for a world where that is true as well, but waiting for that to happen is costing you. Major time, opportunities, peace of mind, probably thousands in lost income right now.

So let’s recap some of the most important takeaways from this episode, because I want you to start shifting how you think about managing up today.

Right now. First managing up isn’t about sucking up, playing politics, changing who you are. It is a must have career skill. One that’s become even more crucial today as work is busier, it’s more complex, and AI is starting to handle more of the tactics. We need to be able to master the human side.

Second, stop thinking of managing up as something you do to your boss or for your boss. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s about creating the conditions that let you thrive, regardless of who is in charge.

And third, and this is crucial, you’re already doing the extra emotional labor. You’re already spending extra energy trying to navigate these relationships.

The question is, are you doing it reactively or strategically in a way that will benefit you more over time? Are you letting workplace and power dynamics happen to you? Or are you in the driver’s seat?

And finally, remember, unfortunately, your boss, the leaders above you, they might never change. Your company culture might never transform, especially not overnight. You can change how you approach what’s happening.

You can do that today. You can start creating more freedom and space for yourself. So if you are ready to learn exactly how to do this, to get the exact framework, then I want you to join me for my free training happening very soon. It’s called managing up to your goals. Remember to head to melodywilding.com/training to RSVP to grab your spot.

This training is perfect for you if you feel like you are great at your job, but you know you could be having more impact if you knew how to position yourself differently. If you are tired of being known as the dependable, reliable executor who just gets everything done, and you want to be seen as someone who shapes more of the direction and the strategy. melodywilding. com If you are sick of having career conversations with your boss that never seem to go anywhere or never seem to result in clear next steps. If you have watched other people get flexibility, resources more easily, while you have to justify every request.

And if you’ve been told you need to manage up more. Maybe you’ve gotten that feedback, but you don’t know, what does that mean? What do I have to change? What do I do differently? Or you’re worried about coming across as pushy or self promoting. All of that, if you resonate with any of those points, then I want to make sure we see you at this training. Okay. I am pulling back the curtain on what really separates people who are top performers from everyone else. And I am giving you the exact roadmap to earn more authority, freedom, confidence at work.

So remember head to melodywilding.com/training to save your spot. I will see you there and I’ll see you in the next episode. Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode of psychology at work. If you enjoyed the show, I’d be so grateful if you could take just a minute to rate and review wherever you are listening. It’s how we reach more professionals just like you. And if you’d like to see even more content on how to feel more self assured, grounded, and in control of your emotions and reactions at work, follow me on LinkedIn or head to the links in the show notes.