How do you become fully confident and in control of your emotions and experience at work? It’s by mastering your own psychology and that of others. On this show, we decode the science of success, exploring how to get out of your own way and advance your career to new levels without becoming someone you’re not.

I’m Melody Wilding, bestselling author, human behavior professor and award winning executive coach. Get ready and let’s put psychology to work for you.

Today is a very special day because my new book, managing up how to get what you need from the people in charge is officially out in the world. I couldn’t be more excited over the moon to share it with you. 

So for today’s episode, I wanted to do something pretty exclusive, and I managed to get my publisher to agree to let you get a first listen to the introduction of the audio book, which is narrated by yours truly.

But before we dive in, I want to tell you why this book matters, especially right now, whether you are ready to step into a bigger leadership role, you want to have more say in the direction of your work, or you just want to feel more confident and in control of your career path. Managing up is your practical tactical guide to creating the work experience you deserve.

One that comes with less stress, more peace of mind. 

You might be thinking, Melody, I have a ton of books on my bookshelf that I haven’t gotten to yet. I don’t need another business book telling me, be more visible, enhance your executive presence. I promise this is different.

This book is packed with tons of science based strategies, tons of word for word scripts, templates that actually work in the real world. And I am talking about hyper specific techniques, things for positioning your ideas so they get heard, building strategic relationships at every level, creating opportunities for yourself, even if you are naturally introverted.

Even if you prefer to let your work speak for itself, even if you have tried other approaches that haven’t quite clicked. I’m so honored that this book has been selected as a next big idea club must read by authors Dan Pink, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, Malcolm Gladwell, and they chose it because it tackles what other books miss, which is the psychology behind workplace dynamics and how to use that to your advantage.

Greg McKeown, he is the author of the number one New York Times bestseller, Essentialism. He said, “Outstanding. Wilding scripts and strategies show us a better way to get ahead at work.” 

Sheila Heen, she is the author of the modern classic, Difficult Conversations. She said, “Wilding has accomplished something rare and invaluable, which is combining big picture insight with specific advice so that readers walk away with concrete, practical advice to experiment with. I’m already thinking about how to use these insights with my own colleagues and board members. Even as I buy copies for my own direct reports to help them deal with me.” 

I am blown away by these words and why I wanted to share them is because I know your time is limited. You don’t want yet another book that wastes your time, that gets you no results.

Managing up is different. Because inside, you are going to discover how to decode what your boss actually wants, even when they cannot articulate it. Exactly how to push back on unrealistic demands without damaging your relationships. Simple techniques to make your ideas stick with different types of decision makers. Strategic ways to build influence, step by step tactics for turning difficult personalities into allies.

You deserve to do more than just survive at work. You deserve to have your expertise recognized, respected, to feel confident and in control instead of being at the mercy of every personality change whim that comes your way.

And that’s exactly what this book will help you achieve. And today on launch day, you can help it reach as many people as possible who need this message. Head over to managingup. com after this episode to make sure you grab your copy. 

Your support today is what will help catapult it to the top of the charts and get these strategies in the hands of more people who need it. So now let’s dive into this exclusive sneak peek of the introduction. What you’re about to hear sets up the core premise for the book. That managing up isn’t something you do for your boss’s benefit. It’s something you do for yourself. Here we go. Introduction Laura was used to getting tough feedback, but nothing in her career had prepared her for the mixed messages and moving goalposts she faced in her role as head of communications. Weeks earlier, her boss, the CEO, had praised her work overhauling the company’s website. But then, just the day before, he had sat Laura down and told her, I’m not sure if you’re in over your head, incompetent, or both.

Laura had joined the startup two and a half years earlier, transitioning from director of public affairs for a large university to the faster paced and less bureaucratic tech world. At first, she flourished as product communications manager, writing compelling white papers, implementing a dashboard to track campaign metrics, and even jumping in to field press inquiries after a major software crash affected thousands of customers.

Her drive, scrappiness, and ability to motivate her team of five direct reports stood out. And within 18 months, she had been tapped to head communications for the entire company. Laura enthusiastically stepped into her leadership role, eager to prove herself to her new boss and peers right away. Sensing that the CEO was swamped raising venture capital and not wanting to bother him, Laura took it upon herself to redo the company’s online messaging and positioning.

In her product role, she had observed that average customers were turned off by technical jargon. So, she decided that the company’s website and all of their materials would benefit from more user friendly language. In spite of all her hard work and the appreciation of her peers, Laura was still adrift when it came to her boss.

One day, he’d tell her the new copy she had put together was so impressive that they’d featured it in an investor pitch deck. The next, he’d question why she was wasting time on low value tasks instead of focusing on strategy. When Laura pinged him on Slack with questions, he’d ignore her for days, then suddenly respond with a barrage of requests.

Laura felt like she couldn’t get a clear read on what her boss really wanted and might never be able to figure it out. She was losing confidence in herself. Once a top performer, she now found herself totally clueless about what was required to succeed at this new level. She was putting in long hours, striving to make big changes and prove her value.

It seemed like her moves weren’t well received by the person who mattered most in her career, her boss. As she watched other senior leaders navigate their roles with apparent ease, she couldn’t help but feel inadequate and really annoyed. Laura’s not the only one. During the last few years, the number of professionals who believe they have little to no control over their careers, futures, and work relationships has doubled.

A staggering 40 percent of workers grapple with a sense of helplessness. And for more than a decade, as an executive coach to professionals and leaders at some of the world’s top companies, I’ve witnessed countless clients struggle to figure out where they stand in the workplace. A challenge that’s become even more urgent and pronounced since the pandemic.

These smart, successful people end up constantly questioning whether to share their thoughts or stay silent and blame themselves for missing out on opportunities because they’re not good enough. Others feel boxed in by office politics, frustrated by a lack of change, sidelined by an ambiguous decision making process, or exhausted by miscommunication and butting heads with colleagues.

Though their difficulties seem distinct at first, from how do I get my ideas taken seriously by upper management? And how can I disagree with my boss without jeopardizing my job? To why do I always get overlooked for opportunities despite my hard work? Their problems often boil down to one thing, they don’t know how to manage up.

I define managing up as strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss. It’s a critical skill set for maneuvering through the complex web of power dynamics, conversations, and unspoken expectations that shape our daily work lives. The idea of managing up has been around for decades, but in a search for greater insight and innovative tools I could use in my own practice, I surveyed a diverse group of 12, 000 people and held interviews with dozens of future readers.

If you were one of them, thank you. From the moment the results started to come back, it was clear that most professionals know they need to manage up, but few know how to do it well. They understand that in today’s workplace, it’s no longer necessary to bow to their boss’s every wish. They don’t know how to achieve a sense of freedom and control at work without stepping on toes.

You probably picked up this book because you can relate. Even if you have a steady paycheck, a nice title, or other external markers of success, you want more. Maybe you’re searching for greater peace and ease in your interactions at work so you can get things done with fewer barriers and less stress.

Perhaps you want a bigger say in how, when, and where you do your job and to have greater influence on the direction your career takes. Whatever it is, we’re going to turn what currently seems impossible into your new reality. In the old days, managing up equated to making the boss happy no matter what.

That meant keeping your head down. Sticking to your job description and following orders without a peep of disagreement. And let’s not forget sucking up. Talk about a recipe for feeling undervalued and stuck. It’s not your job, as some books and articles will tell you, to charm and flatter your boss into treating you well, read their mind when they aren’t communicating clearly, or work double time to compensate for their incompetence.

Some managers truly are too difficult or disorganized to have a healthy relationship with. But most of the stress and frustration that people experience with their bosses is fixable, stemming not from pure incompetence or antagonism, but from a lack of awareness on both sides about how to work together effectively.

This book offers a modern, assertive approach to managing up. It’s about learning how to get your needs met, whether you want approval to hire a freelancer to help finish a big project on time, the flexibility to work from another city, or the safety of an office environment where you’re not afraid to speak your mind.

I’ve spent the past decade wearing many hatstherapist, human behavior researcher, executive coachand in that time, I’ve helped thousands of professionals, from early career managers to senior leaders at Fortune 500 companies. Learn to navigate workplace dynamics and advocate for themselves with confidence.

This book will show you exactly how to apply the principles of emotional intelligence, influence, persuasion, negotiation, and more to give yourself a competitive edge at work. After all, without understanding psychology, the workplace and the people within it can seem mysterious and infuriating. But once you know what makes your boss tick, You’ll be able to work with them so smoothly, it’ll feel like cheating.

The first step is to adopt a strategic, investigative mindset. When you start to see your boss not just as a gatekeeper or an overseer, but as a human being who’s contending with their own pressures, distractions, and demands from higher ups, you’ll start to uncover what drives their decisions and unlock how best to communicate with them.

That knowledge is key to advocating for what you need. When you can identify the fears and motivations that drive upper management’s decisions, you can present your ideas and opinions to get a yes. And cracking the code on your organization’s unspoken rules and norms means you can pick the perfect time to ask for more money or a promotion.

Want the exact words to say in a tough negotiation? Or the perfect response to use when you need to push back on a project? I’ve got you covered. You’ll see how to apply surprising, research based strategies in ways you never thought possible, turning every Managing Up moment into one that grows your confidence and advances your career.

You might be wondering, why is Managing Up my responsibility? Shouldn’t my manager just be better at their job? It’s a fair point. Leaders definitely need to pull their weight, and organizations must make sure workplaces are good for our mental health. But here’s the deal. Managing up isn’t really about making your boss’s life easier.

It’s about taking control of your own work experience. Think of it this way. Even if you have a good relationship with those above you, Why settle for good, when it could be great? Instead of seeing this process as extra effort or invisible labor, consider it an investment in your satisfaction at work.

Don’t ask, why should I have to manage up? The real question is, why wouldn’t I want to seize every opportunity to make my career better? The

10 Conversations. So, how do you move from seeing yourself as a victim of workplace whims to someone who has the power to shape their entire work experience into one that’s more fulfilling, easeful, and on their own terms? Introducing The Ten Conversations. Each of the chapters ahead tackles one key conversation you may need to have with your manager.

These aren’t one time chats, but rather ongoing conversations that you’ll revisit and which will evolve. Some are structured, like your weekly one on one with your boss or your annual performance review. Others are more informal, like a quick hallway chat with a colleague or a pre meeting catch up with a senior leader.

But all of them are opportunities to gather valuable information, build trust and credibility, and shape how you’re perceived by those around you. The conversations build on one another, so we’ll start with the most foundational and work our way up to the more advanced. Don’t worry about memorizing the order.

In real life, they’ll often overlap and intersect. The key is to see every interaction, no matter how small, as a chance to put these techniques into practice and gradually strengthen your relationships. Chapter 1. The Alignment Conversation How do I stop feeling pulled in a hundred different directions?

Why am I spending so much energy trying to decipher cryptic feedback or mixed messages from my boss? How do I know which tasks are most crucial to focus on? I’ll show you how to ask the right questions. Ones that reveal insights about your manager’s unspoken needs and priorities without putting them on the defensive.

By focusing on promotable work. You can achieve more in less time, freeing up mental space and energy for your life outside the office. Chapter 2. The Styles Conversation Why does my boss chase every idea that pops into her head? How come he’s so short with me? Does he hate me? You’ll find out how to decode your boss’s communication styles and work habits so you can build rapport, quit overthinking interactions, and tailor your messages, presentations, and emails to get the attention they deserve.

You’ll also discover how to assert your own needs in a way that commands respect and still keeps higher ups on your side. Chapter 3. The Ownership Conversation. How do I get out from under the bureaucracy or constant micromanagement that’s holding me back? What can I do to present and go after my ideas without overstepping?

If I have an idea for fixing an inefficient process or a problem that’s driving me crazy, how can I get buy in from my boss and colleagues? Ditch the order taker mentality and tackle the workplace issues and bottlenecks that bother you. I’ll teach you how to read the room and accurately judge the best moments to advocate for change.

You’ll walk away knowing how to craft and pitch your proposals in ways that prompt your manager or others to give you the green light to move ahead. Chapter 4, the boundaries conversation. What do I say when my manager dumps yet another task on my plate? What if they flip out when I say no? Discover the hidden costs of being too helpful and learn to push back with tact and confidence.

From navigating sensitive topics to declining tasks in a way that adds to your credibility, this chapter is packed with scripts and strategies for setting boundaries that stick, even with the most demanding bosses and colleagues. Chapter 5. The Feedback Conversation Should I risk saying something to my boss about an issue that’s upsetting me?

Or should I just let it go? What do I do when it seems like my feedback to them went in one ear and out the other? This chapter will guide you to carefully and constructively confront your manager about everything from their lack of vision to their favoritism of another colleague. I’ll give you scripts and frameworks to get your voice taken seriously, and specific yet subtle strategies to make sure your input is acted upon.

Chapter 6. The Networking Conversation How do I determine who, besides my boss, I should be spending time with? How do I ask for a favor or support without it feeling awkward? We begin this chapter by identifying where key decision makers typically spend their time and how you can naturally intersect with these spaces.

You’ll then learn exactly how to get influential people to say yes to meeting with you. And more important, how to ask for help in a way that feels organic and strengthens your social capital over the long term. Chapter 7. The Visibility Conversation Why does my hard work continue to go unnoticed? How do I share my accomplishments without sounding like a conceited a hole?

Right now, you may be missing out on everyday chances to elevate your reputation and attract exciting opportunities. You’ll change that through the science of storytelling and presenting your skills and results in a memorable, authoritative way. We’ll also cover how to handle credit stealing colleagues and a manager who excludes you.

Chapter 8, the advancement conversation. How do I position myself for a promotion, bigger projects, or a move to a different team? What if my manager blocks my progress? Even though no one cares about your aspirations more than you do, the reality is that the best way to get ahead is by aligning with what your manager wants and the organization needs.

I’ll show you how to make that connection, get your boss’s buy in on your plans, and navigate objections that arise along the way about your readiness, the timing, and more. Chapter 9. The Money Conversation. How do I make a compelling case for better compensation? What if a higher salary is impossible right now?

Negotiating is more than just throwing out a number. It involves a tricky dance of invisible incentives and underlying tensions. That’s why, in this chapter, you’ll find out how to gauge your worth and justify it convincingly. And don’t worry if more money is off the table. You’ll be armed with creative ways to get other perks that can be equally valuable.

Chapter 10. The Quitting Conversation How do I know when it’s time to move on? What can I do to exit on good terms? Sometimes, the best way to get ahead is to switch jobs or companies altogether. How you leave is how you’ll be remembered, so I’ll also walk you through everything you need to do to transition out smoothly, how to handle those awkward, I’m quitting moments, and ways to keep your reputation and relationships glowing, even if you and your boss don’t end on the best terms.

The scripts and strategies you’ll encounter will work regardless of your industry and company size. Whether you’re new to your job and want to start off on the right foot, Or, you’ve been in your role for years and need to re teach people how to treat you. While it’s fun to mock corporate speak and workplace jargon, knowing how to craft your words in this context is key to being taken seriously.

So I’ll show you how to adjust your language for each conversation, when to keep it light, and when to dial up the formality, how to balance sincerity with professionalism and realness with reserve. It’s no secret that some workplaces and relationships are rife with bias, so we’ll also tackle situations when you face inequality, prejudice, and discrimination.

Throughout the book, you’ll hear real stories from my clients as well as insights from thousands of readers I surveyed. You can download key takeaways, scripts, and templates from each chapter at ManagingUp. com slash bonuses.

Take back your power. While I recommend following the conversations in order, feel free to jump around based on what feels most relevant to you right now. It’s totally fine if you don’t put every single strategy into practice right away. But if you take what you need and start making small changes today, they’ll add up.

As I’ve witnessed my clients apply what you’ll learn in this book. I’ve seen them accomplish amazing things, earning skip level promotions, leading million dollar expansion projects, and receiving awards as top performers in their companies. But what’s even more life changing is how they reclaim a sense of agency, autonomy, and authority in their careers.

That’s exactly what happened to Laura, whose story you heard earlier. Through CEO and other senior leaders, Chapter 1, she was able to ramp up her company’s business to business messaging, including creating an enterprise demo process that helped them sell new licenses more quickly. When she got to the bottom of her boss’s communication habits through the Stiles conversation, Chapter 2, she stopped taking his brief replies personally and started getting the input she wanted by presenting findings to him in bullet points and texting while he was out courting new investors.

The Ownership Conversation, Chapter 3, helped Laura step forward with her ideas and take the reins on projects in a way others rallied behind, instead of railing against. While she still hit some rocky patches along the way, Laura’s transformation was so significant that she soon became the CEO’s right hand and closest advisor.

A few months later, she sent me an excited email saying she was getting a hefty six figure bonus thanks to the tangible impact she’d made to the bottom line. But even more important, she added, the sense of assuredness I have now is priceless. That’s because, most of all, everything you’ll learn in this book is going to fundamentally change the relationship you have with yourself.

No matter what life throws at you, you’ll move from a why does this always happen to me mindset to an I’ve got this attitude. So yes, it’s going to take dedication. Yes, it’ll take time. But ask yourself, am I prepared to turn the way things are into the way I want them to be? If so, then you’re in the right place.

Let’s go. 

Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode of psychology at work. If you enjoyed the show, I’d be so grateful if you could take just a minute to rate and review wherever you are listening. It’s how we reach more professionals just like you. And if you’d like to see even more content on how to feel more self assured, grounded, and in control of your emotions and reactions at work, follow me on LinkedIn or head to the links in the show notes.