Melody Wilding (00:02.049)
How do you become fully confident and in control of your emotions and experience at work? It’s by mastering your own psychology and that of others. On this show, we decode the science of success, exploring how to get out of your own way and advance your career to new levels without becoming someone you’re not. I’m Melody Wilding, bestselling author, human behavior professor, and award -winning executive coach.

Get ready and let’s put psychology to work for you.

I have to confess something. I am tired of talking about authenticity at work. And in this episode, I want to tell you why, because it might be getting in your way at work without you even realizing it. I have been coaching now for just over 13 years. And in that time, I have truly been honored and I have had the privilege to work with thousands of professionals across the world, across different industries and levels.

And what has been interesting is that time and time again, I hear the same desires, the same goals. Often people will say they want to speak up more confidently. They want to have a greater influence. They want to be able to earn the respect and recognition they deserve. And everyone I have worked with this sort of aspiration is almost universal. It’s true for people I’ve seen that are

You know, rising rock stars at a tech startup or season senior managers out of fortune 500 company. It doesn’t make a difference. The ability to communicate effectively to get your voice heard is crucial for your career advancement. No matter your level, your industry, your title. Here’s where things get interesting and also get a bit contradictory in the very next breath.

Melody Wilding (02:00.533)
right after telling me they want to be able to speak up, raise their hand, have an impact. They want to have more influence and visibility. Many of those same professionals will say something like this. They’ll say, well, being vocal just isn’t authentic to who I am. I don’t just want to speak to be heard. I’m not someone who seeks the spotlight. That doesn’t feel genuine to me. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Are these things you have also said for yourself?

If so, want to unpack this for a second because it reveals a very crucial and tricky misunderstanding about what it means to be authentic in the workplace. And that misunderstanding might be exactly what is holding you back from the impact and the compensation you want and that you deserve. So this idea we’re often told.

Be authentic, just be yourself, be true to who you are. It’s sort of the Holy grail of career advice. I even think a couple of years ago or a year or two ago, authentic was the word of the year. And the promises, if you are just you at work, if you are just yourself, that is the key to finding fulfillment, success, the elusive work life harmony that we are all chasing all of the time. But here’s the thing. Sometimes.

The pursuit of being authentic at work can be a trap. This well -intentioned mantra, just be yourself, be authentic may actually be the very thing that is holding you back. I want you to think about it. What if the thing you are calling your authentic self, the thing that you cling to is nothing more than an elaborate disguise for the negative stories.

You have been told about yourself. want to say that again, because I want this to sink in. What if what you have been thinking is your authentic self is just something you are clinging to. It’s an elaborate disguise defense mechanism for the negative stories you have been fed about yourself. I want you to think back to your formative years, maybe growing up things you heard in school from friends, your family, both personally and professionally here.

Melody Wilding (04:22.111)
And think about how many times you were told things like, you need to tone it down. You need to grow a thicker skin. Don’t rock the boat. Stop being so sensitive. Check your emotions at the door. Keep your head down and just do your work and you’ll be rewarded for it. How many of those things and how often did you hear those things? And this is especially true for people I call sensitive strivers. Those of us who are wired to.

Think and feel more deeply and who also aim very high. put a lot of pressure on ourselves in our careers. And for us, those messages can hit particularly hard. more disposed to internalizing them more deeply. We start to believe as a result of being told these things that in order to succeed, we need to become smaller. We need to become quieter. We need to actually become less ourselves. And over time.

This shrunken, smaller, boxed in version of you becomes comfortable. It becomes familiar. And you actually start to believe that is the real you. You start to believe that that is your authentic self. But truly, if you really pause to think about it, is that quiet, hesitant persona, the one that avoids conflict?

stays silent in meetings that shrinks back from the spotlight. Is that truly authentic? Or is it just a sophisticated coping mechanism that you have built over the years? Is it really just a shield you have built to protect yourself from criticism, rejection, discomfort, because you don’t want to stand out. So I want to look at this authentic behavior more closely or what we have thought.

is our authentic behavior. When you don’t speak up in meetings, is it really because you don’t have anything to say? Or is it more out of fear of judgment masquerading as, well, I’m just more of a reserved personality. When you allow colleagues to take credit for your work or ideas that you have, is that really being your authentic self? Or is that just conflict, avoidance, wearing a mask of humility?

Melody Wilding (06:48.065)
When you downplay your achievements say, that wasn’t much, it wasn’t team effort. Is that genuine modesty or is it insecurity pretending to be authenticity and modesty? But here’s what I want you to take in.

Melody Wilding (07:07.895)
Sometimes what we call being authentic is really just playing it safe. It’s safer not to speak up. It’s safer not to stand out. It’s safer to stay small, but safer is not the same as more authentic. And it certainly does not mean it is more fulfilling. This whole shrinking act, it comes at a cost, not just your career progression, the opportunities that come to you.

But more importantly, your sense of self -worth, your confidence, your fulfillment, your feeling of being in control of your career and frankly, your life. Every time you hold back a part of you withers. Every time you let others take credit for your work, your confidence erodes. Every time you dim your light, your potential fades. I think it’s time that we redefine authenticity.

Being authentic at work does not mean voicing every single thought that comes into your head or every feeling you have without a filter. That is not authenticity. That is a lack of professional judgment. And being authentic is also not just being the loudest voice in the room or changing your entire personality. Real authenticity means being a sharper, more impactful version of you. So the next time,

You find yourself holding back at work in the name of authenticity. There’s a few things I want you to ask yourself. Is this really my true self speaking or is it fear habit? it an outdated perception? Because it is entirely possible to become a version of you who thoughtfully presents your solutions in a meeting. And that actually leads you to be tapped for a highly visible project. There.

Is also a version of you who can very matter of factly articulate your team’s achievements to management. And that may get you more budget for your department. And there can be a version of you who confidently negotiates a 20 % salary increase because you’re able to communicate your value and impact. All of that is still you. It’s just a more confident, influential version of you.

Melody Wilding (09:32.065)
So if all of this is resonating with you, then I want to invite you to join us for a free virtual event. My team and I are hosting that starts September 11th. It is called the confident communicator. This is a free three day virtual masterclass we are hosting. And this is really going to set you on the path to discover how to earn respect and recognition at work without overthinking every single word.

or stepping on other people’s toes. So on day one, we are going to cover how to elevate your executive presence. We’re going to talk about techniques to express your ideas more clearly and get your voice heard, even if you’re in rooms with strong personalities. On day two, we’re going to get into saying no and standing your ground. And we’ll be sharing scripts with you for pushing back on unreasonable demands.

without burning bridges and what to do when someone won’t take no for an answer. And then on day three to round everything out, we’ll talk about the art of self advocacy and visibility. So you can position yourself for bigger opportunities, a promotion, raise more impactful projects. So this is completely free. There is no reason not to join us. So you can RSVP and you can save your free spot at melodywilding .com.

slash masterclass that’s melodywilding .com slash masterclass. Can’t wait to see you there and looking forward to learning together with you.

Thanks for tuning in to today’s episode of Psychology at Work. If you enjoyed the show, I’d be so grateful if you could take just a minute to rate and review wherever you are listening. It’s how we reach more professionals just like you. And if you’d like to see even more content on how to feel more self -assured, grounded, and in control of your emotions and reactions at work, follow me on LinkedIn or head to the links in the show notes.