Melody Wilding (00:11.2)
Almost every team has at least one of these people, the dominant personality type who is motivated by winning, competition, reaching results. While dominant personality types are often seen as commanding, confident, their characteristics have a flip side. They can also be very stubborn, aggressive, overly direct. So how do you hold your own with this type of person? That’s what we’re gonna talk about in this episode.

But first I want to dive into some of the characteristics of a dominant personality and how you can identify them. So first is confidence. They usually display a high level of self -confidence. They are not afraid to voice their opinions, to make decisions, to take charge of situations. Dominant personalities are also often assertive. They advocate strongly for their point of view, their ideas, and sometimes they can come across as pushy, blunt, or forceful.

They are decisive. These are people who tend to make decisions quickly. They’re less likely to waver, to show uncertainty, and frankly, to worry about the emotions of other people’s involved. And this decisiveness, it can be a great strength, especially in very fast pace or high pressure situations where that sort of quick decision -making is of the essence. Dominant personalities tend to be control -oriented. They like to have control over situations

projects, team dynamics. They may be the one who takes charge of a meeting or who directs the course for a project. Competitive, dominant people have a strong competitive streak. They tend to be very goal -oriented. They want to achieve, they care a lot about outcomes. They often enjoy challenges and situations where they can win and they can excel.

And sometimes dominant personalities may not be as open to feedback. They may not be as open to alternative viewpoints, especially if it challenges their ideas or their authority. So as I’m talking, someone may even be coming to mind. Maybe it’s someone you work with, a colleague, a coworker, a stakeholder, maybe it’s even your boss. And so how can you more precisely identify these people? Well,

Melody Wilding (02:37.164)
Watch how they interact with others. Dominant personalities are often the ones who take the lead in conversations or they may interrupt or talk over people. Also start to notice the decision -making approach of people around you. Are they consensus oriented? Do they care about people and the perceptions or are they very quick to decide? And often doing that without much input from other people. That’s how you know you’re dealing with a dominant personality.

Also see how people react when they are challenged or when things don’t go their way. A dominant type may become more confrontational in those types of situations. I want to drive all of this home with a story. I’m going to mask the names here. These are not real people, but I want to talk about Gabe, who was a business development manager at a food and beverage company. And Gabe was someone who was seen as a doer.

He was outgoing. He was always up for a challenge. He never hesitated. He took quick action to drive new sales and his demanding, very pay setting type style landed the company in new accounts. But all of this came at a cost because Gabe often upset people above him because he would circumvent the rules. He would go around authority in order to push through new procedures. And he also tended to

fixate so much on reaching sales targets, often to the detriment of his client relationships over the long term. You may know someone like Gabe and working with them can be a challenge, especially if you are someone who is on the opposite end of the personality spectrum. And many of the people in my community that we work with inside of my programs tend to be more reserved, more empathetic, people -oriented,

And because of that, they struggle with dominant personalities because it’s almost like they’re the polar opposite. And they find these people’s controlling, demanding nature hard to deal with. And many of our clients have difficulty standing their ground with the dominant types, very strong will. Why is this though? I have spent over a decade of my career working with people who I call sensitive strivers.

Melody Wilding (05:03.864)
who are both deep thinkers and deep feelers and studying and seeing firsthand how they interact with more dominant people and sensitive strivers tend to have more rich, more nuanced, emotional inner lives. tend to have a more thoughtful approach to their interactions and their relationships at work. And because of that, they can find themselves at odd with that direct style of dominant people.

They can clash in terms of their communication style because sensitive strivers tend to be more reflective, considerate. They think deeply before they speak. They value collaboration, right? But the dominant type is more direct, assertive, sometimes even aggressive in their communication. And that can lead people to feeling, this difference can lead to feeling overpowered by them. The pace of decision -making varies too.

Sensitive strivers prefer to take their time to process information to consider a lot of different angles before they take action, but dominant individuals, not so much. They are ready, fire, aim type people versus ready, aim, fire. Handling feedback and criticism. Sensitive strivers are highly receptive to feedback, sometimes too much. They can take criticism to heart, but the dominant type tends to be more blunt, less tactful,

in their feedback, which for the more sensitive types can really be distressing, can really lead to a lot of self doubt. The need for acknowledgement is another big one. That sensitive, more reserved, people -focused personalities thrive on acknowledgement and validation. Whereas dominant types, they care much more about results, getting things done. They care much less about giving praise.

so they may not be providing the recognition that you find motivating and affirming. So those are a couple of the key differences.

Melody Wilding (07:24.662)
If this is sounding familiar and you are thinking, wow, I never realized I do work with a dominant colleague. How do I find peace in working with them? Well, the good news is that you do not have to give up being a kindhearted caring person. If that is your natural disposition, more power to you. But if you want to be successful in work, then you have to learn to work with people who have different personalities than you dominant types included.

And this is exactly what we do inside of resilient. What I teach inside of my programs and my books, and especially in resilient, we give you a highly actionable curriculum. get weekly coaching, high level support and community. We help you stop overthinking these interactions and teach you the strategies so you can stay calm, present and grounded even in the face of these type of people.

Emotion regulation is a big part of this. It’s not just about confidence. You have to be able to convey competence, poise, grace with these types of people, especially in high pressure situations. So if this is interesting to you, I want to invite you to join us. Check out the program details. You can head to Melodywilding .com slash resilient. That’s Melodywilding .com slash resilient.

Spots are very limited. We always sell out and we only run this program a few times a year. So make sure if you’re interested to head to my website for the details. Whether you decide to join us inside of Resilient or not, today I wanna give you some tips to hold your own with dominant personalities. So let’s dive into those. First is to focus on the what, not the how. Focusing on the what, not the how is a very, very vital communication strip.

Focusing on the what, not the how, is a very vital communication strategy when you are dealing with a dominant personality type, especially if you are someone who tends to naturally gravitate to discussing context, background, process, possibilities. And as I mentioned earlier, dominant personality types are very task and result oriented. They care about outcomes, goals.

Melody Wilding (09:52.852)
not the process to get there. They value efficiency. They are much more interested in the end results than how did we get here. So their preference is for focusing on the what, which is the outcome or the goal over the how, the process, the background, the method. And that is key in how you communicate with them and how they make decisions. So when you are speaking with them, focus on concrete, tangible facts. Make direct

assertions or direct suggestions rather than approaching your conversations with them as a brainstorming session. That’s only going to be frustrating for both of you. And when you present ideas to them, talk about how your proposal affects the bottom line and gets you or the team or them quicker results. So by focusing on outcomes, results, you are speaking their language.

And that alignment makes it more likely that they will actually hear your ideas and that they will be considered seriously.

Melody Wilding (11:52.566)
Our second strategy for dealing with dominant personalities is to skip the small talk. Dominant personalities operate on urgency. They appreciate efficiency. They want you to get straight to the point. And so they are the type of colleagues that you should skip pleasantries with. So for example, skipping over the, are you? Hope you’re doing well from the start of your emails. Just get into what you wanted to say. If you’re meeting with them in person or resume,

jump straight into your meeting agenda, just keep the banter to a minimum. Maybe you start your emails with just a brief introduction and then you dive into the purpose of your message. So instead of starting with, hi, I hope you’re doing well, you can begin with, I’m writing to discuss X, Y, Z. So don’t waste their time rehashing events, repeating details, building up to your point, lead with your key message, cut to the chase.

And by forgoing the small talk, it may feel awkward at first, but you are actually showing respect for their time and understanding their preferences. And for them, that can be seen as a huge sign of professionalism and respect. And it also enhances your credibility with them. Just jumping straight into the matter at hand demonstrates that you are prepared, you are confident in what you are there to talk about, and you value the discussion.

And for sensitive strivers, again, this can be a challenging shift because we’re all about connecting with people, but it’s about striking a balance here, maintaining your natural empathy and thoughtfulness while also making sure that you’re being heard by the dominant personality. And so you’re erring more on the side of brevity and directness.

Our third strategy for dealing with dominant personality types is to give them independence. To influence this type of person, you have to understand what motivates them, which is achievement and control. The more you can give this person room for independent problem solving and decision making, the more effective they are going to be. So giving them autonomy caters to their desire for control and achievement. It shows

Melody Wilding (14:08.62)
you trust in their abilities. It acknowledges their need to lead and make decisions. And when these types of personalities are given room to maneuver, they often become more productive. They feel more satisfied. And that can actually lead to a better working relationship with them. And by defining areas where they have authority, giving them independence over that, you can avoid any sort of micromanagement and them sort of

getting in the mess of your things. Now, because dominant personalities really value autonomy and they value moving quickly, they don’t value so much relationships, don’t be surprised if your one -on -one time with them is brief or maybe non -existent. Before you are delegating to this type of person, make sure that the areas of authority are very clearly defined. They are very articulated and focus them

on bold, ambitious goals to keep them consistently aiming higher. They love to feel like they’re working towards something significant.

Melody Wilding (15:19.246)
Thoughtfully highlight their areas for improvement. That is our next strategy. So when giving this type of person feedback about their performance, focus on how the behavior change you’re suggesting will help them reach their goals and will help them get better results. Notice the words I’m using there, goals, results, get there faster. So for example, Gabe, one of the people I mentioned earlier, when one of his colleagues pointed out that his bluntness,

was negatively impacting his direct reports and the sales they were able to make, that was a lever to get him moving. And the colleague shared that if those team members left, it would mean Gabe had fewer resources that he could use to fulfill client sales. And therefore he may fall short of his targets. And that framing, that framing was what inspired Gabe to change his approach.

With a dominant type, can also use comparison as a way to constructively motivate these people. So you can highlight what competitors are doing, how they’re performing better as a way to energize them to make a change.

Melody Wilding (16:32.974)
fill their gaps. Let’s face it, healthy, productive teams, they require a mix of personalities. So if you are working alongside a dominant type, you can actually be their foil. That’s a great thing. Your natural tendencies to be more reflective, detail -oriented, empathetic, people -focused, helps balance out their sort of fast -paced, aggressive approach.

Melody Wilding (17:07.81)
Likewise, dominant personalities, they do drive innovation, they do set ambitious goals, but because they are moving at such a fast pace, they often overlook important details or potential risks. And that may be where your strengths come into play. Your natural inclination to offer a more careful analysis can help balance out their decision -making. So if your dominant colleague proposes a new, very

aggressive strategy, maybe you contribute by highlighting here are the potential risks we should consider so we can take a more measured approach and at the end of the day, we can all be more successful together. And most of all, when it comes to dominant personalities, do not take their actions personally. This is one of the toughest things to do, but also probably the most important. Dominant personality types tend to be very curt.

They’re the person that sends you a three word email or in response to how was your weekend says, yeah, it was fine. Doesn’t give you much more with that, but just because they’re brisk like that, it doesn’t mean they’re angry that they’re upset or that they’re rejecting you recognize that they will ask you pointed questions. And that is because they are engaging you, not necessarily because they lack trust or they don’t believe in your judgment. So again, expect.

brevity in your interactions and understand that this is just part of their normal pattern of behavior. It is not a reflection on you or your adequacy. If everything we talked about today resonated with.

Melody Wilding (18:51.264)
If everything we talked about today resonated with you, then you need to be inside of resilient. That is my signature three month coaching program for sensitive strivers. It is the only program of its kind that gives you all of the tools and strategies, a really complete roadmap to fast track your success without so much stress. We show you step by step how to stop taking things personally.

to build the thicker skin at work, to speak up and advocate for yourself, to set boundaries with these types of difficult personalities and much, much more. And our alumni have achieved amazing things inside of the program. We have people that have gotten skip level promotions, six figure bonuses. We have even had people run for and win public office, which is very cool. But what is more important and meaningful to us is our clients inner transformations.

how our alumni say the people in their life notice how much happier, lighter, more optimistic, more confident they are in themselves. And the best part is that they feel and they believe in that difference too. And inside of Resilient, after those 13 weeks, you will feel safe disconnecting from work, to have an identity beyond who you are at the office. You will have a complete overhaul in your mental focus

and your energy that will get you closer to achieving your goals. You’ll feel a sense of freedom as you break free from the people pleasing patterns and finally are working towards your vision of success. And that new found sense of competence is going to impact every facet of your life. Whether that’s being more present with your family, having hobbies again, taking a vacation and actually unplugging.

The change that resilient can have will create a ripple effect in your entire life. Because when you transform, so does everything else around you. I want you to just imagine the impact you could make by becoming a more confident leader. How would that make an impact on your team? Or how could you inspire your children, your grandchildren, your friends, your family to become better themselves?

Melody Wilding (21:12.738)
by showing them that change is possible.

Melody Wilding (21:35.66)
And imagine all of the good you could do in this world by actually leaning into your sensitivity rather than trying to squish it down. And I know that as a sensitive striver, you want to make a positive lasting impact. You want to leave everything better than you have found it. This is your opportunity. So get the details about Resilient on my website, head to melodywilding .com slash resilient.

Space is limited, we always sell out, we only run the program a few times a year. So head to melodywilding .com slash resilient and you can learn more there. Thanks for tuning in today and I’ll see you in the next episode.