Do you find it a challenge to maintain your composure at work?
Danielle, the COO of a digital banking company, was known for her kind and welcoming nature, earning the trust and admiration of her team. However, being a Sensitive Striver, she often found it difficult to mask her feelings, especially during high-pressure situations.
One time, Danielle was in a challenging customer meeting. Called in to resolve conflicts between the customer and her frontline team, Danielle was prepared to present a plan to get the project back on track. However, the meeting turned tense when the client started bombarding him with concerns and complaints.
Despite her efforts to stay diplomatic and assertive, Danielle’s emotions got the better of him. Her voice wavered, her eyes darted around the room, and she struggled to respond confidently. Danielle left feeling embarrassed, which highlighted a need to maintain composure in situations like that for the future.
As an executive coach for Sensitive Strivers, I often see how their deep empathy and emotional intelligence can positively transform workplace dynamics. Emotions like joy, enthusiasm, and camaraderie are powerful tools in leadership.
But these professionals often struggle to maintain a poker face in critical situations. They ask, “How can I maintain a poker face? How can I stop my face from giving away my feelings?”
Skillful leaders understand that while showing emotions can be an advantage, but there are also times when revealing your unfiltered reactions might backfire, as Danielle found out the hard way. Whether it’s a high-stakes meeting, an argument, or a performance review, you need to be able to maintain your composure.
Maintaining a poker face isn’t about suppressing feelings or being insincere. It’s about regulating your emotions, being mindful of your facial expressions and body language, and using them in a calculated manner.
Choose Situations Carefully
Using a poker face isn’t always appropriate, nor should it be your default communication style.
Overusing it can make you seem untrustworthy, incompetent, or unlikable. In many leadership scenarios, your team, peers, and clients need to see your reactions to feel secure and make informed decisions.
To determine when to use a poker face, consider these questions:
- What is the impact on your goals? Think about how expressing your emotions will affect your objectives. For example, while building relationships, a poker face might seem insincere, but during negotiations, it can be beneficial to keep your intentions concealed.
- What is your role in the interaction? Your role can dictate how you should express yourself. If you’re leading a meeting, it might be better to show confidence and assertiveness. As a participant, showing openness and receptiveness could be more appropriate.
- What’s the appropriate level of vulnerability for this situation? Assess if the situation calls for a guarded approach or if it’s suitable to be more open. This also depends on your personal style and what feels authentic to you.
- What are the company’s norms? Different cultures and organizational environments have varied expectations about emotional expression. Tailor your behavior to align with these norms.
Recognize your tells
Just like in poker, where a tell is a subtle change in behavior that reveals your hand, in professional settings, your tells are the physical or behavioral signs that disclose your emotions or intentions. Identifying these tells is key to controlling your responses and maintaining a poker face when needed.
Pay attention to your behaviors in various situations throughout the day. Notice any patterns that emerge when you’re feeling calm compared to when you’re anxious, upset, or stressed. Common tells might include fidgeting, adjusting your posture, or avoiding eye contact. For example, I’ve worked on reducing my habit of biting or picking at my nails under pressure.
If possible, record yourself in different scenarios and later watch the footage to spot any tells. This method can be incredibly revealing, as it allows you to see yourself as others do.
You might also ask a trusted mentor or colleague to provide feedback. They might notice patterns in your behavior that you’re not aware of. This external perspective can be invaluable in helping you identify and work on your tells.
Pay attention to your body language
When you do opt for a poker face, it’s important to avoid coming across as emotionless or overly rigid. Balancing a composed expression with a hint of warmth can make it more effective.
Take slow, deep breaths to calm your emotions. Release any tension in your face, like relaxing your jaw and lowering your tongue from the roof of your mouth. A relaxed face appears more open and approachable.
If you’re tense or anxious, you might narrow your eyes or fixate on something without realizing it. To counter this, soften your gaze. Focus on a distant point to relax your eye muscles. This helps maintain a neutral yet warm facial expression.
The way you speak can convey a lot about your emotional state. Aim to speak in a lower, slower tone. When you’re upset or fearful, your speech might speed up; consciously slow it down. Speaking from your diaphragm will give your voice a deeper, more stable sound.
Incorporate phrases that keep the conversation going without revealing your thoughts or emotions. Phrases like “that’s interesting” or “help me understand…” are neutral and can be used to navigate conversations strategically.
Interrupt emotional overwhelm
Effective self-regulation is crucial for expressing emotions in a way that aligns with your professional image. To prevent emotional outbursts and maintain composure, you can use techniques to calm your nervous system:
Try grounding techniques. These are simple exercises that can help bring your focus back to the present moment. Try counting backward from 100, identify five objects of a specific color in the room, or clench and then release your muscles gradually. These activities distract your mind and reduce immediate emotional intensity.
You can also use visualization. Picture a peaceful scene in your mind, like a serene beach or a quiet forest. Imagine yourself in this calming environment. This technique can help lower stress and anxiety levels, bringing a sense of tranquility.
Cold exposure can have a surprisingly calming effect. Hold a glass of ice water, suck on an ice cube, or splash your face with cold water. The physical sensation can help snap you out of an emotional state and refocus your thoughts.
Remember, maintaining your composure at work is not about suppressing or hiding your emotions; it’s about controlling how you express them. It’s about using your awareness of facial expressions and body language to communicate effectively and reach your goals. Trust in your ability to remain composed and thoughtful, regardless of the challenges you face.
