How do you stop letting people walk all over you at work? In today’s professional world, there are constant deadlines, new demands, and rising expectations.
This means that as an accomplished professional, you probably spend most of your day fighting off requests from other people. They want your time, energy, and expertise. And since you’re a loyal team player, you’re happy to provide help. Perhaps you’re also the last one to leave at the end of the day and the first one to take on new responsibilities.
While caring about your work is great, giving too much can deplete you quickly and veer into people-pleasing territory. As a result, you may think people take advantage of your kindness and commitment. You may feel overwhelmed, overworked and unappreciated for all of the extra support you provide.
Signs of People-Pleasing at Work
It’s admirable to be a pleasant co-worker or a leader who lends support, but putting other people first all the time can often have a negative impact on your professional happiness.
In my book, TRUST YOURSELF: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work, I explain that people-pleasing is a sign you have a strong desire for approval from others and have low regard for yourself.
Signs of people-pleasing at work include:
- Saying yes constantly and being unable to set boundaries
- Feeling burned out or resentful because you’re doing too much
- Apologizing for things that aren’t your fault
- Changing your opinions, or not expressing your thoughts, to keep others happy
- Excessively seeking reassurance, praise, and affirmation
How to Stop Letting People Walk All Over You at Work
Here are steps to try to break the people-pleasing cycle.
1. Name your underlying fear.
Typically, people-pleasing is the flip side of tremendous strengths like sensitivity and commitment. Your intentions to help may come from a good place, but it’s important to own up to the fears that are driving your “need to please.” Do you fear rejection? Failure? Simply putting a label on your fears can reduce their power over you.
Free BOOK CHAPTER
Turn your sensitivity into a strength and regain your confidence at work
Get exclusive access to Chapter One of my book, Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.
By submitting this form you consent to receive newsletters and promotions via email. Unsubscribe or opt-out any time. See our Privacy Policy.
2. Get radically honest about what people-pleasing is costing you.
Ask yourself if the payoff of always being the likable or dependable one around the office is worth the consequences. Agreeing to every request can not only wear you out, but it also undermine your personal integrity. You may find yourself carrying out ideas you don’t truly believe in. Conversely, the ability to assert yourself appropriately, take pride in your ideas and prioritize your own needs can help you excel in your career.
3. Teach others how to treat you.
If you don’t value your time, no one else will. Instead of making yourself overly accessible, put boundaries in place. Push back against unreasonable requests and learn to say no.
Privately rehearse responses like, “I have a big deadline approaching, and I’m completely focused on that. Try asking Angela for help,” or “I can work on that after I complete this report.” You may also want to consider establishing time frames. For example, “I am free to help on Tuesday from 10 AM until 12 PM.”
Practicing phrases like these will make turning down a project feel much more natural, which can alleviate concerns about damaging your relationships.
4. Do the opposite.
If jumping in to help is your default response (even when it’s counterproductive or self-sabotaging), borrow a psychological technique known as “opposite action”. “Opposite action” is exactly what it sounds like. It involves redirecting unhelpful responses to healthier behavior by doing the opposite of what our emotions tell us to do. If your urge is to step in and mediate every problem, do the opposite by coaching people to take ownership of solutions themselves, for instance.
Striving to make everyone happy all of the time is not sustainable. It might be possible in the short term, but ultimately, the only person you have complete control over is you. Make yourself your first priority, and you’ll be happier in your work and a better professional for it.
Free BOOK CHAPTER
Turn your sensitivity into a strength and regain your confidence at work
Get exclusive access to Chapter One of my book, Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work.
By submitting this form you consent to receive newsletters and promotions via email. Unsubscribe or opt-out any time. See our Privacy Policy.
