I don’t know about you, but I have certainly seen people throughout my career who have this certain… je ne sais quoi. There’s something about them where people just respect them. When they speak up in meetings, people actually listen to what they have to say—even if they don’t have the fancy job title, they’re not the most seasoned person in the room. Even if they’re relatively new to the organization. Maybe it’s a colleague at your level who somehow always gets their projects prioritized, everyone seems to like them and take them seriously.

And when you watch these people operate, it can feel so mysterious. Almost magical, in a way. How do they do it? What do they have that you don’t? You can’t quite put your finger on it. It’s ephemeral, hard to articulate or pin down exactly what’s happening.

So you arrive at the most logical conclusion: Well, they must just be better than me. They must be more confident. More charismatic. More naturally gifted at this whole “influence” thing. Maybe they went to the right school, or they have the right background, or they’re just built differently. And that conclusion? It makes you feel kind of terrible. Because if it’s just about who they are as a person—some innate quality they possess—then what hope do you have? It just leads you to a place of resignation.

We’re going to stop that narrative today. No more self-recrimination. No more allowing yourself to feel like you’re just making it up as you go every single day, even though you have a great track record of results. Even though you’ve earned the mid-level or senior job title. Even though you absolutely know your stuff and deliver great work every day.

I call that confusion, frustrating place between what you’ve accomplished and how you’re actually being treated, the gravitas gap. I see it all the time with the clients who come into our Speak Like a Senior Leader program. They’re not imagining it. They’re not being overly sensitive. There IS a disconnect, and it’s not because they’re inadequate or lacking something fundamental. It’s because of how they are communicating, projecting themselves, and how they are coming across.

So today I want to help you take a step towards closing the gravitas gap by decoding for you how power dynamics actually work in the workplace. And I’m not going to be talking in fluffy, ambiguous terms here because this has been well studied for decades.  There’s research behind this. And that means it’s something YOU can replicate.

You’ve just never been given the keys to the castle. Nobody sat you down and said, “Here are the levers you can pull if you want to be taken more seriously, if you want to see through the facade of how office politics happen and REALLY work below the surface.”

The five types of power are:

• Role power
• Reward power
• Coercive power
• Expert power
• And Referent power

By the end of this episode, you’ll be able to identify which types of power you currently have access to—and which ones you’re underutilizing. Because I guarantee there’s at least one type of power you already possess that you’re not fully leveraging.

You’ll understand why hard work alone isn’t getting you the influence you want—and what to layer on top of your know-how and expertise to actually get recognized and respected at the level you deserve.

And once you grasp this idea, once you see it, you can’t unsee it. You’ll start noticing these dynamics everywhere and all of a sudden it’s like you have x-ray vision to finally feel like the invisible is visible. It changes what you say yes to and what you say no to. It changes how you position your work. It changes how you navigate relationships with people above you, across from you, and below you in the org chart.

And if you want help translating this into small changes you can make every single day to become a crisp, clear, concise, and confident communicator at the executive level—someone who not only understands power but knows how to wield it through how you speak and present yourself—you’ve got to make sure you’re signed up for my free training happening December 3rd. It’s call Earn Up to $200k more in 2026: 5 steps to speak like a senior leader

This training is for you if you know you’re ready for and capable of more responsibility but feel like your communication isn’t landing well. You can sign up at melodywilding.com/training. That’s melodywilding.com/training. The training is December 3rd, it’s completely free, and I’d love to see you there.

Alright, let’s dive into the five types of power and how you can start building influence without playing dirty.

First up we have role power, or what it’s more formally called in the research legitimate power, but more simplicity, I’ll say role power. Because this is the authority that’s granted to you based on where you sit in the org chart. You have a certain position or rank, you might have specific responsibilities, rights, and privileges.

Here’s how to identify if you or someone else has this power base:

• Can they make decisions that impact others? For example, can they assign tasks, set goals, allocate resources, and enforce policies?
• Are they recognized and respected by colleagues and subordinates? Do people follow their directives or guidance?
• Do they get access to confidential information or special resources because of their position in the organization?
• Is this person typically held accountable for their actions and decisions? They may be subject to oversight or evaluation based on their role and responsibilities.

Over the last 10 years or so we’ve seen a big shift to flatter, distributed organizations where theres less emphasis on hierarchy. In many ways this can be great to even out power dynamics so there’s less of a top down / haves vs have not dynamic. But no matter what, role power  is always going to be the backbone of business.  Having certain people with certain rights granted to them based on their title and rank is what takes a random group of people and turns them into a functioning team. When there’s a clear order, a clear and defined leader who can assign tasks, direct work, enforce standards, and rally everyone towards a common goal, that’s the best way to keep things running smoothly.

Now, you might be reluctant to lean into your role power because you know that no one likes being told “do this because I’m the boss and I say so.” And you’re right—that’s exactly what can happen if we overrely on role power alone or use it too frequently. It creates resentment and sometimes rebellion. But you also don’t want to swing too far in the other direction. You may worry so much about avoiding being seen as authoritarian that you basically refuse to use role power at all. Everything turns into a committee decision. You ask for input on things that really just need a call to be made by YOU. You drop hints and try to nudge people instead of giving clear direction. Which only creates confusion and swirl and ends up making you lose respect.Shying away from using your role power in those moments may be backfiring on you. It might be why your team seems unclear on priorities, or why projects drag on longer than they should, or why you’re not being seen as decisive or leadership-ready by those above you.

There are many times and places where it’s healthy and necessary to pull this lever more in everyday situations. When you need to assign who’s doing what on a project and people are being wishy-washy about taking ownership. Someone needs to just say “Zoe, you’re taking the lead on this. Jeff, you’re supporting the analysis.”

When your team is spinning on a decision that doesn’t actually need consensus. At some point, you just need to say “Here’s what we’re doing” and move on.

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When someone keeps missing meetings or not responding to requests and it’s impacting the team. That’s when you say “I need you at these meetings. This is part of your role.”

When you’re being asked to weigh in on every tiny decision and it’s slowing everything down. “You have the authority to make this call. You don’t need my approval on things like this.”

These are all examples of using role power for the good of your team, your colleagues, and your reputation, because you’re seen as someone who is decisive and moves things forward.

The next type of power is reward power. So back in high school, one of my first paying jobs was hosting children’s parties at a local gym. These were usually 90 mins – 2 hours long and we had to give them time in the pool, to get changed, get everyone fed, sing happy birthday, and open gifts. Whenever a little one wouldn’t sit down, my go-to response was, “If you’re good, I’ll give you extra cake!” And lo and behold, you can probably guess…it worked like a charm!

I was unknowingly using reward power, which is when you have the ability to influence people by giving them something.  It could be something tangible like a raise, promotion, extra responsibility they want, a positive review but also intangible like praise and public recognition.

You know you have reward power if you have authority to hand out resources – budgets, people, technology, promotions, bonuses.

But you dont always have to have role power to have reward power, even though they go hand in hand often. Think about it this way—do people want something from you? That’s the real question. If you control access to something people value, you have reward power. Even if your title doesn’t suggest it. For example:

A project coordinator who doesn’t have hiring or firing authority, but they decide who gets staffed on which projects.

An executive assistant to the CEO who controls access to the CEO’s calendar. She’s not in the C-suite herself, but if you need face time with the CEO, you need her help. She can prioritize your meeting request or let it sit for weeks

A peer who sits on the committee that reviews promotion packets or special project proposals. They don’t make the final decision, but they have input. They can champion your case or they can stay silent.

A well-liked peer whose endorsement carries social weight. When they say “great job on that presentation” in front of the team, people take notice. When they advocate for your idea in a meeting, others are more likely to get on board.

Speaking of which, this is an easy way to strengthen your reward power – to be generous with recognition.  It’s one of the few rewards you can give that actually increases in value the more you give it. Most resources are scarce—there’s only so much budget, only so many promotions, only so many spots on the a project. But recognition is something you can give it constantly, up, down, and across! and it doesn’t diminish your supply. In fact, the opposite happens. People want to be in your orbit.  if you’re the person who makes people feel seen, valued, and appreciated, they will go out of their way to help you succeed. They’ll give you the benefit of the doubt when things go wrong. They’ll advocate for you when you’re not in the room.

Plus from a power dynamics perspective: when you give someone recognition—especially public recognition—you’re also subtly showing that you’re in a position to evaluate and validate their work. That you have the standing to judge quality. That your opinion matters.

Another nuance: the rewards you can give become more powerful when they’re things you don’t have to give. Let me explain. If you’re someone’s manager and you give them a positive review, that’s somewhat to be expected. It’s not that surprising. But if it’s your a peer and you go out of your way to tell their manager THEY did great work? That carries more weight because you didn’t have to do it. It was discretionary and 100% your option to do that, which makes it more meaningful.

Moving on to power type #3 coercive power. I’m not going to spend too much time here, because out of all 5, this is the one you want to use the least. It’s basically the opposite of reward power. Coercive power means you use negative consequences or threats of punishment to get people to comply.

Now, before you think “I would never do that”—let me be clear. There is a time and a place to use coercive power ethically. When someone has breached a contract, violated a policy, or broken a rule that affects the team, you may need to enforce consequences. That’s not being cruel—that’s upholding standards and maintaining trust so coercive power is justified. But because it’s mostly based in fear, it’s rare that using coercive power buys you respect long term, so use this very sparingly.

Power type #4 is expert power, which as you might guess, comes from your knowledge, your expertise. Being a go-to or trusted advisor who others seek out for guidance, advice, and decision making. Then as a result you come to be seen as an authority.

Some signs you have this power base you may not have even realized:

• People come to you with questions and trust your take on things
• You get pulled into conversations or meetings where your official role doesn’t require you to be there, but someone says “we should get [your name]’s input on this.”
• People reference your past work or your ideas.
• Junior people or new hires get told “talk to [your name], they know this stuff inside and out.”

What’s great is that expert power is the easiest and most straightforward type to grow. But—and this is critical—having expertise and having expert power are two completely different things. You can be incredibly smart and deeply specialized in your field, and yet no one cares or comes to you. Because expert power isn’t just about what you know. It’s about whether other people know that you know it. And whether they trust your judgment enough to act on your advice.You have to make your knowledge visible and useful. People have to grasp not just how brilliant you are, but how what you have to share matters to them and you need to be able to translate your insights into the language of business results.

And TOO much expert power can backfire. You can come across as a know it all or like you’re lecturing or correcting people. If you’re so deep in your expertise that you can’t communicate in plain language, people will tune you out.

Which brings us nicely to our last form of power, #5, referent power. This comes down to your ability to influence other people through your personality and character. People admire your values and how you behave. They connect to you, because they identify with you in someone way and that earns you respect.

Now, when people hear “personality,” they often think this is about charisma. About being the most charming person in the room, or the funniest, or the most magnetic. And sure, charismatic people often have referent power. But that’s not100% what this is about. It’s more that people wanting to be associated with you because of who you are and what you stand for. They respect how you operateThey like being around you—not because you’re entertaining, but because they feel like how they feel about themselves in your presence.

Think about the people in your career who’ve influenced you most. Chances are, it wasn’t the loudest or most extroverted person. It was probably someone who had integrity. Who treated people well. Who stayed calm under pressure. Who stood up for what mattered. Who made you feel valued and capable.

That’s referent power.

Some every day signs you have strong referent power:

Your boss confides in you about challenges they’re facing, even sensitive ones. They trust you with information they wouldn’t share widely.

Executives remember your name and something specific about you. Not just “oh, you work on the marketing team,” but “you’re the one who turned around that client situation last quarter.”

People emulate how you communicate, how you handle conflict, how you present yourself in meetings.

Your team is loyal to you in ways that go beyond just reporting to you. They give you honest feedback. They’ll go the extra mile without being asked. They’re genuinely invested in your success, not just their own.

When you leave a team or organization, people stay in touch. They reach out for advice years later. They tell you that you influenced their career.

you can’t force referent power. You can’t manufacture it through a specific set of tactics. But there are small, consistent behaviors that build it over time.

Treat people well regardless of their status. How you treat the intern, the executive assistant, the person in facilities—that matters. People notice when you’re only “on” with important people. Referent power comes from being the same person with everyone.

Actually care about people’s lives, their challenges, their wins. Remember what they tell you. Follow up. That kind of attention is rare, and it creates deep loyalty.

The tricky part is that referent power is fragile. It can take years to build and moments to destroy with one lapse of judgement or time you go against your values.

There you have it, the 5 types of power:

• Role power
• Reward power
• Coercive power
• Expert power
• And Referent power

Now the question becomes: where do you stand?

Let me give you some questions to help you figure out which power bases you’re strongest in—and which ones you’re underutilizing.

Think about a recent situation where you successfully influenced a decision or got someone to take action.

When people come to you for help or advice, what are they usually asking for?

In both of these cases what made them listen to you or seek you out? Was it your title? Your expertise? The fact that you could offer them something they wanted? Or because they value your perspective and judgment as a person?

Now think about someone at work who has influence but whose power base is completely different from yours. What are they doing that works? What type of power are they using that you’re not?

The goal isn’t to max out all five. It’s to be selective depending on what you’re trying to accomplish.

And if you enjoyed this episode and want to go deeper on how to actually translate all of this into how you communicate and show up every day—you definitely want to make sure you’re signed up for my free training happening December 3rd: 5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader. I’m giving you the exact roadmap you need to sound clear, concise, and credible so bigger and better opportunities come to you. It’s completely free, it’s live, and you can ask questions. Go to melodywilding.com/training to save your spot. That’s melodywilding.com/training.

That’s it for today. Make sure you share this episode with a friend or colleague who can use it, and I’ll catch you on the next one.