Melody Wilding: You need to hear this story from one of our Resilient grads, Sara, because I have a sneaking suspicion it will really hit home for you too. She’s joining me on the podcast today to share how the program helped her go from being an anxious deferential servant leader who cleaned up everyone’s messes, to someone who is now regarded for her executive presence as someone who is decisive, protective of her priorities and recognized as a strong leader by both her team and the C-suite.

Before we dive into the conversation though, I need to go on a little rant because there is something I see constantly and it drives me up a wall. Calling yourself a servant leader can be a trap. It is often a way to justify your bad habits and convince yourself you can feel good about it. Now before you come at me for this, just hear me out because trust me, I am all for focusing on growing and developing people, listening more than you talk, putting the mission of your team or your organization above your own ego, creating an environment where people can do their best work.

That is true servant leadership. But way too often, especially among Sensitive Strivers, and that is deep thinking and feeling professionals who end up joining us inside of Resilient, people call themselves servant leaders, when really it’s just an excuse or a coverup for their own dysfunction. They’re hiding behind this noble sounding label while ironically doing things that are actively hurting them and their teams.

So just a picture of what this looks like in practice. You may be the manager who says, I’m just here to be helpful while you’re actually doing the thinking for your team. When someone brings you a problem, instead of coaching them through it, you immediately jump into fix it mode.

You say, don’t worry, I’ll handle it. That becomes your default. You tell yourself you’re being helpful, but what you’re really doing is creating a team of dependents who can’t make a decision without running to you first.

Or maybe you’re the person who never pushes back on a request because servant leaders don’t put themselves first. So when your boss dumps yet another urgent project on your plate, you smile and say, of course, got it. While internally screaming, internally resenting the hell out of the situation, you are martyring yourself and calling in service.

Or maybe you are the team member who silently sits in the meeting, even when you have something valuable to share, but you don’t because you don’t wanna seem ego-driven or self-promoting. So you let bad decisions get made because speaking up might make you look like you’re not humble enough. And in this case, you’re confusing service with self erasure.

So please hear me when I say this. There is a massive difference between being a servant leader and being a total pushover. A massive difference between being genuinely helpful and supplicating yourself to everyone around you. Real servant leadership requires a backbone.

It requires you to make hard decisions, to have difficult conversations, to sometimes disappoint people to honor the bigger picture. It means developing people’s capabilities rather than doing everything for them. Having enough confidence in your own judgment to speak up when you see problems, even if it’s uncomfortable.

So I hope we can stop using servant leadership as this socially acceptable way to avoid discomfort. Your team doesn’t grow when you are constantly rescuing them. Your organization doesn’t benefit from your insights and intelligence when you are too busy being humble to share anything, and you don’t advance your career because you’re making yourself invisible and calling it virtuous.

So all of this is exactly what Sara went through, who you’ll hear from today. When she first joined Resilient, she was the classic example of someone who was using servant leadership against herself. And in this conversation you’re going to hear how one five word phrase she learned inside of the program completely shifted her paradigm around this.

It’s what allowed her by the end of the program to increase her assertiveness by 40% in just 13 weeks, and that meant she started getting her input heard by her executive team, building credibility with the C-level folks without being overly deferential. She learned how to redirect out of scope requests, which freed up her time for higher priority projects.

She started responding to questions faster and more decisively, which increased her trust in her own judgment and positioned her as reliable under pressure. So now not only does her team feel more ownership and require less checking up on, but her boss even commented on her transformation saying, you show up differently now.

And more importantly, she has stopped being the caretaker. She has started being the authority figure. Other people need to drive direction. She has learned the difference between empowering people and enabling them. So if you are tired of being everyone’s fixer while your own strategic work sits untouched, this conversation is for you and I strongly encourage you to join us inside of Resilient.

If you’re listening to this the day it comes out, then there are only a few days left to join this cohort, which is the final one of 2025 doors will not be reopening until mid 2026 at the earliest. Resilient is perfect for you. If you are tired of being the invisible workhorse and you are ready to become more of the trusted advisor whose ideas get respected.

You want to reclaim two to three hours a week currently spent on overthinking and redirect that time to promotable work. If you say yes to everything you’re logging 50, 60 hour weeks, and you wanna master boundaries that let you leave work by 6:00 PM without a hint of guilt. And if you lose sleep replaying work conversations in the middle of the night, and you want proven techniques to quiet your mind regardless of drama happening at work and sleep through the night.

So before you think, I’m too busy for this, I can’t add yet another thing to my plate, know this. Almost all of our clients in the program have at least one school-aged child. They have a demanding role. They have a household to run. Many have aging parents to care for. I can also guess that you may have had some bad experiences with courses in the past.

Maybe your company sent you to a leadership training and you had to sit through some boring lecture about self-awareness and authenticity that really gave you zero actionable tools for your day-to-day challenges, and you walked out thinking, wow, I could have spent that time so much better. Or maybe you bought something online.

There was a lot of slick marketing that promised to transform your confidence, and you were dumped into this portal with 47 modules. You spent weeks trying to find one gem buried in all that content. You hit roadblocks, you had questions, and then eventually you just gave up.

So that’s why we’ve designed Resilient, not as a course, but as an interactive coaching experience.

It is designed for your demanding life. The lessons are on demand, so you can watch them on weekends, in the middle of night, whenever you want. They are science-backed. They are delivered in bite-size, 10 to 15 minute chunks, and you can easily listen to them as well as the recordings of all of our calls on the go with our private podcast.

You also get daily coaching. We have live calls twice per week and with our private community, you always have a place to get support for your specific questions and challenges. So whether you are doubting how to approach your micromanaging boss, you’re wondering how to give feedback to that defensive team member or anything else, just raise your hand and get tactical guidance tailored to your situation.

And you develop real life skills. So in the first month, you are interrupting thought spirals. You are stopping that emotional hijacking. In month two, you are putting an end to imposter syndrome and making decisions faster. In month three, you’ll quit fearing feedback, you’ll learn to speak on the spot and a lot more.

So if you are thinking, I’m just gonna wait until things settle down, I’ll wait until next year. I’ll wait to see how things shake out, what they’ve reorged. Just keep this in mind. Your patterns won’t magically take a holiday break. They won’t just disappear because you made some wishful resolution.

In fact, what I see is that they often get worse and it’s just another season that costs you opportunities in your peace of mind. So being busy isn’t a barrier to succeeding in Resilient. It’s exactly why you need it. We don’t give you more things to do. We give you tactical coaching to get to the heart of what’s training you and come up with quick solutions.

 Listen, your workload and your ambition, they aren’t going to decrease. But how you handle the chaos and the swirl around you, that can be completely different. So by December, we want you taking the holidays off to be fully present with your family, not already dreading going back to work.

So remember doors for the final cohort of Resilient, they close very soon. Head to melody wilding.com/resilient to grab your spot now. And with that, let’s get into our conversation with Sara.

 Sara, welcome. Thank you so much for joining me today.

Sara: Okay. Yeah, it’s good to be here. Thank you so much for this opportunity.

Melody Wilding: Yes, we are going to talk about your journey, your story from Resilient. But before we get into that, just tell us a little bit more about yourself.

Sara: Sure. Yeah. So I’m a team leader here in regulatory, have a nice, small but mighty team. we work on registering agricultural products here, in the US and I’m also a proud mom of two boys. so just living the very energetic life, especially now that summer camp is starting off. and I am very proud, Resilient alum and I’m really happy to be here and talk about my experience with, with you all.

Melody Wilding: Yes, you. You keep yourself busy, that’s for sure.

Sara: Absolutely.

Melody Wilding: Amazing. And so let’s talk about where you were at the beginning of Resilient, because I went back through your forms, through your Strive Diagnostic, the tool we use in the program. And one thing you had said is you were mentioning that you were struggling with some self-doubt.

You were feeling hesitant in your interactions as a leader and with your own leadership. Take us back to that time. What did that look like for you day to day? What were you really struggling with the most? 

Sara: So, I remember filling out, just to your point, all of the, the kind of the intake information and yeah, that, that self-doubt in how I was handling myself, and my confidence level when I would, have those interactions with senior leadership. I come from a military background, so just a little insight there.

If, if you’re a child of the military. the benefits that that gives you is you’re a very hardworking person. You’re determined. You’re quick thinking. You’re, you’re open to change for the most part. it’s, it’s a part of life. and something, when you watch your parent in the military, what, what you’ll definitely see is when they’re higher ranking officials come in, everybody just stands, looks a little different. Changes the demeanor, everything, just the behavior changes. So obviously as a kid you absorb that everybody, you, you emulate what you see. and so that was very much my behavior growing up. and then obviously in my professional career as well.

and something, in those interactions I could see myself doing it just standing at attention. Yes, sir. and I just. I would think to myself, if I was that person, that senior leadership person, that’s the last thing I would want is someone to feel that way, interacting and having a conversation with me.

And so I was very much looking for the tools and, and some kind of insights, what could I take home with me just to help me be mindful, of that behavior and, and maybe not stand at attention every time. a manager comes in, So that, that was very much what my day to day was like.

Just, always having that Nervous Nelly syndrome whenever I was around a senior leadership. So I was really excited to start the course and, and just soak up any, any information I could learn.

Melody Wilding: Yeah. And I appreciate you sharing a bit more about your background. ‘Cause I think we, we hear that from so many people where it’s either we, we have had other. Alumni who have had a military family upbringing or the, or themselves having come from that world. We also have people who just because of their culture or their upbringing or, or schooling, sometimes even their organizational culture, right?

We have family schooling, but also the companies that we find ourselves in that excessive deference to authority starts to happen. And for you, how did the doubts come into play and how did you see those manifesting in how you were moving through your day or your interactions with the people above you?

What was, what was that internal dialogue like?

Sara: That internal. It just, I think the first knee jerk reflex that I would feel is anytime I had a, a question, with leadership or even members on my team was, oh, I have to know this answer. And the pressure’s on,people are looking to you, you’re, you’re in charge. and then when it’s a question from senior leadership, it’s, they are looking to you for that answer, for that background.

You need to have one to 10, all the details A to Z, and, and that was just that constant dialogue that would go on in my mind and in my gut, and it’s just the anxiety, that constant pressure,that. That’s it. Just, it can’t be sustainable. and I knew that going into Resilient was, I, I cannot keep having this inner dialogue.

I need something to break that. kind of like when you’re, when you’re hit with static electricity, just something, a little jolt. I, I was, I was really craving that because, I said I, I can’t freeze every time I have a conversation with someone. I’m in this position for a reason, so remember that.

Take the pressure off. It’s okay to be vulnerable.

Melody Wilding: Yes. Yes. And I, I was talking to someone yesterday about this, someone who is in an executive leadership role, and we had this interesting conversation where, I hear this all the time, and actually I was doing some surveying of my audience actually this past week. And as I was reading through the survey results, so much of, threads of what you said were coming up this feeling of, if I almost this, if I speak up, then it has to be right. I have to be fully informed. I wanna find the best data, and I wanna make sure my argument is airtight.

There’s this perfectionism around it. And then ironically, what happens is that you hold back, right? ’cause you never feel quite prepared or we’re worried that someone is going to poke holes in it.

And really what that person wants at the executive level, the person I was talking to said the number one reason we have let people go over the last three years is because they are not decisive enough. And they are not clear enough in their recommendations. They’ll give us this data dump of all these things, and then we’re forced to make sense of it.

And even when we ask them, okay, well you’re presenting this. What should we do here? They still give us all of the different considerations and can’t land one point. And so we were talking about how, again, ironically it’s better to have a point of view because at least that is a starting point. At least that’s something other people can react to, even if it’s not quote unquote, exactly right. You’ve, you are, are coming to the table with that confidence. Yeah.

Does that bring up any reactions from you?

Sara: Absolutely. Yeah. and if you think about it too, I just. You’re not being asked, if it’s a fire, yes, you get water. That’s obvious. That’s the obvious reaction. But you know, in your work, in your career, in your day to day, you know you’re making decisions, but you’re being looked at, in a managerial level, you’re being looked at, for that, for that strategy, for that inspiration. And, the poking of holes is okay because that is everyone working together. that is what collaboration is, and you have to lean into that. As you’re not getting that negative feedback. You’re not getting, that criticism. it’s constructive conversation and.

You are providing, you’ve got the experience you have, you’re in that role for a reason. You know what you’re talking about. So lean into that knowledge and know that, you’re around other minds that have other opinions, and that’s the great part of life is that you’re going to hear so many different opinions and you gotta lean into it.

it’s, it’s not just up to us to save the world.

Melody Wilding: Yeah. Yeah, and I, I wanna talk about this too, because with this executive that I was talking to, she said, as, as the senior leadership team, we’re going to have questions. Our job as the senior leaders are to mitigate risk, to poke holes in things, to make sure the logic and the rationale is sound.

Because they have social capital on the line. They may have to, this may be a big outlay of, of funds or a big part of the budget. They may have to present this to the board or the, the C-suite, whatever it is. And so it makes sense why they’re going to ask questions.

But she said, the main thing I look for is that that person doesn’t take the questions personally, doesn’t then get very defensive and say, why are you nitpicking me? And it sounds like. Well, I actually wanna pick up on something that you said when you first signed up for Resilient. ’cause I think it speaks to this. And you had said that one of your like ultimate goals was to feel more at ease and comfortable in your own skin.

And so now that you’ve, you’ve graduated from the program, how would you say. Where are you at with that?

Sara: Yeah. First starting the program I, and writing, I, I remember when I wrote that I was, I was exhausted, just mentally, physically exhausted, living in a grind. putting that constant pressure on myself of having to have the answer, feeling that I had to have, I, I had to be right. and if I was wrong, it just, yeah.

Thought spirals everything. you, you obsess about that. I think, having taken the program, it has given me so much more self-reflection, to where it’s almost like, if, if you’re a parent, of, of humans or, or pets or what have you, you, it’s that kind of aha moment that you have when you’re like, it’s not about me anymore, And, I feel like that was a change I had during Resilient that,I’m a leader and I’m looked at maybe for guidance, for strategy, for answers, but I’m also here to help. I’m responsible to help guide and support and empower and provide opportunities for folks, and I need to have that best information at my fingertips to do that.

 and I’m working with professionals that are humans as well, that have the same life struggles that I do. And I just putting that shoe on the other foot, I think was a really important part of, of that self-reflection that I had to have and just. Yes, we should all take care of ourselves and, and have that self-care, so to speak.

But at the same time, as a manager, it’s not about you anymore. And it’s not about how perfect your work is. It’s how you’re making the folks around you shine. And so I think that helped me feel more comfortable in my skin and say it’s not how well Sara does this paperwork, it’s how well I’m empowering someone to do said paperwork or project or whatever the goal is.

Yeah.

Melody Wilding: I love that it really speaks to the skill of being able to perspective take right to self distance. When you do get those questions or you do get hard feedback and, and it also kind of minimizes the doubts because you realize that the uncomfortable things you have to do are in service. Of something bigger and in service of other people.

And what I think is interesting about what you have done in, in your journey is that there’s a difference between, well, let me put it this way, being a servant leader, which I would guess, Sara, you consider yourself a servant leader. Is that right? Yeah.

 being a servant leader can be this double-edged sword because you can sometimes become a supplicant.

Which is you just, you just become a people pleaser, or you are, you are overloading yourself so much and so caught up in your own self doubts that you’re actually doing a disservice to your team and the leaders above you. Versus being a true servant leader is what you were saying, being able to put your own insecurities and hangups in perspective, realizing and using your sense of responsibility and obligation to your team as a positive. Instead of driving you and them into the ground. You were saying, actually, I have to push back, or I may have to give someone critical feedback, whatever it is, because that’s truly what is being in service of the people I, I lead and that I report to. Yeah.

Sara: I couldn’t agree more and just, you have to remember too, to take the pressure off of yourself and think, what can I do to make someone shine? How can I help this person shine and, and get those results and reach for the stars and just be as successful as they can be? it really takes the load off too, I would say.

Yeah, just the, the shoulders kind of, okay. That’s right.

Melody Wilding: Now, one area you had a big increase in was assertiveness and your scores throughout the program, you went from a five to a seven, which is a 40% increase. So that, that’s pretty remarkable in, in 13 weeks of the program. And so what helped you make that shift? What helped you go from a five to a seven?

Sara: actually remember the, the lesson where I think that was my aha moment. And it’s when we talk about a phrase responsible to, instead of responsible for. And so, really thinking about we are responsible only, to our colleagues, to our team members, to our managers. For helping them being, happy, fulfilled, challenged, supported, all that good stuff.

We are responsible for our happiness. That’s really all that we can control is our happiness, our, our mental space. if you will. I think that was such a powerful lesson and a powerful terminology for me to adopt and remember that, I’m not in someone else’s mind. so while I’m thinking that they’re thinking this or that they’re unhappy or disappointed with me, in fact they, they’re not.

Or maybe they’re just thinking about what they’re gonna make for dinner tonight. So, I, that was such a, a freeing experience and I think it changed a lot of my interactions. after that lesson, where I thought, oh, I have to do this because, they’re asking me a question.

So that in essence means they’re asking me to do a project or to help them with a project. And instead of thinking about it that way, it’s how can I help this person? How can I help? Or how can I be responsible to them by helping them feel empowered and supported? And so instead of thinking that this is just another project or another thing for me to volunteer for, how can I help them get to their end result?

 I just, I can’t say that enough that that was a really, empowering it’s, it’s actually a post-it, on my computer, as well. and at home too, because I have to remember that in my day to day with my kiddos, they expect a lot out of us. but I have to remember that, I’m responsible to them, to, as they’re growing up.

I’m becoming adults, I’m I, but there’s nothing I, I can do to fully control their emotions as well. Mm-hmm.

Melody Wilding: Yes. Powerful life lesson, and we see, we take ourselves everywhere. So sometimes these patterns of like over-functioning, being the one who is fixing and rescuing others, those shows up in multiple places. So I’m so glad that that continues to be almost a, a framework that. You see a lens through which you see and assess situations through, because it really does it, it provides this sort of pattern interrupt of, okay, how am I showing up here?

Am I showing up as taking responsible for this situation? What does that look like? Versus if I just have a responsibility to this situation, an appropriate level of responsibility. Now.

Sara: It’s a great filter to, to help you say, no, it really is, and just have that, okay, let’s think about this. Take a step back. And, is this something, do I really need to do this project? Do I really need to, is that what this person really is asking? think about it.

And, yeah, it’s just, it’s really empowering and it helps me with my thought spirals as well.

Melody Wilding: Now speaking of saying no, are there some powerful nos or boundaries you’ve been able to set and what? What has helped you do that?

Sara: Yeah, so, and that’s a great question. I think, before Resilient, in my role I get asked a lot of questions. I am, I’m looked at, as a resource, which is, a great empowering feeling. But again, that gives me, before Resilient, that predisposition to say, okay, you’re asking a question here, let me just do it.

Let’s just pass it to me. Send me that email. and so I, I had a similar type situation where I was asked to provide guidance, input, really kind of, maybe even make a decision on a path forward. And, I realized, I said, this isn’t really my lane. This is going to, be better suited to be, addressed, by another colleague in, in a different group.

And so, while it would’ve felt good to have helped provided my input. At the same time, it gave me that boundary of I’m not responsible for this, I’m not responsible for this area. My, my knowledge. Yes, I can give input, but it’s really, these folks are better served to get their input and their answer from someone else, from an appropriate, more appropriate channel.

And so, that makes you feel. You have that. One second. Of course it’s the servant mentality. I think that’s in all of us Sensitive Strivers. But you have to remind yourself, if I’m really going to serve, is that person better served by me or by someone else that’s better prepared and has, that better intel intelligence, you name it.

Melody Wilding: Yeah. Well, and what I love about how you’ve shifted your approach is that makes it a win-win. Because it’s, it’s a win for you because you’re protecting your time and your bandwidth, but a win for the other person because they actually get more of what they need.

And the way you framed it was that it wasn’t this blocker. No, I’m not doing that. That’s not something we take on. it was this servant sort of actually, to get you the best help possible, here’s who I would suggest. Reaching out to, it was more of like a, a kind diplomatic redirection rather than just a outright rejection. Yeah. Love

Sara: Yeah, and, and in the long run when you think, the, when you take that time to really think about it. and if it makes you feel any better, I know for me sometimes, in those situations, like the one where I, I had to shift and say, this person will better help you out.

 it doesn’t hurt to reach out later, the next week or two. Ask them, Hey, how did that situation happen? I’m curious. I’d like to know more about it. And that, that still gives you that. What’s the word I’m looking for? You can still scratch that itch of wanting to serve someone is, and they know that you weren’t just being passive and saying, I don’t care.

 you did care. You just, and you cared so much. You wanted that person to have the right information.

Melody Wilding: Yes. And are there other ways you’ve seen that assertiveness show up? You were mentioning your interactions with people above you before. How have you seen that evolve and change your confidence grow there?

Sara: it’s funny, it’s, it’s more of the opposite. Instead of staying quiet, it’s helped me be more assertive and speaking up in those situations because. we’ll have, meetings with, our executives here and, maybe old Sara or, before Resilient, I would’ve, stayed quiet and thought, well, it’s just me.

I don’t know if that input’s going to, help or hinder is this just gonna, fill up space. But when we have that dialogue and when I’m able to, have that comfort, take the load off so to speak, and contribute and provide ideas, it may not be the winning solution, but maybe it helps get us there.

 it just, I, I can’t say it enough that it’s just having that load taken off your shoulders and you can feel like you’re a human and you’re talking with humans. You can treat folks like humans. that is, that really is empowering and it makes a difference.

Melody Wilding: Yeah. Yeah. Because what was coming to mind for me is it, it becomes. So much more present and natural versus a performance that you have to put on. And just even thinking back to your military upbringing and experience that there’s almost this like bracing, or, I don’t wanna say defensiveness, but there is this like stand out attention, be ready to be criticized and be ready for anything.

That you have when you have that sort of military mindset, as you were saying, like stand out attention when the, when the higher ranks come in the room, versus being able to be more of yourself and leveling the playing field of, even though this person has a higher title than me in a higher rank than me.

What I’m hearing, and you can tell me if this feels true to you, but that doesn’t necessarily make them a better person. You still have value, tremendous value to bring to the table, and maybe even because of where you sit and the type of work you oversee, you have an even different perspective of what’s happening on the ground, what you’re hearing from your own team or directly from the people you serve that could benefit them.

So there’s this, this, less of this, putting yourself in a one down position, which I think so many of us do subconsciously because we have those, those thoughts and that narrative about people and authority. But have you found that for yourself? Because to me, to me it sounds like you’re meeting them more as peers as equals, even though there is that power differential.

Sara: Yeah, and you made a really good point in that, some, those executives or senior leadership, they’re unfortunately or fortunately, or part of their job is they’re getting a flavor. They’re getting bits and pieces of everything. They have to be spread so thin and be so many places, at once.

If you really sit back and think about it, when it’s your time in front of them, you’re giving them that information to help them better prepare, better, make decisions that have, big impact overall. And I think if you think about it that way and realize, not put pressure on yourself to, I have to give them the right information.

Everything has to be perfect, not the performance. You need to give them the substance and realize that you are the best resource for that substance to help them make the decision. And yeah, step back and realize too, like these are human beings as well. it was interesting during my cohort, we had a lot of conversations about that, of why am I putting someone like this on a pedestal?

 I mean, they’ve got. If they’re going to the same Chick-fil-A I’m going to on Saturday or whatever place you like to go to, like it’s take them off the pedestal because if you’re just so preoccupied with all of that, then how can you collaborate and, and provide input on, your career and the topic that you know the most about and that you love?

 we all have a pa Well, I hope everyone has a passion for what they do. so let that shine instead of thinking, oh my gosh, this, it’s so and so.

Melody Wilding: Yes. And that’s such a good mental exercise when you are feeling that that doubt and like you were saying, we like glorify and put the, put these people above us in so many ways and it is a good mental exercise to think that. this person, what’s that phrase? they put their pants on one leg at a time as well.

And I always try to think about that person’s worst morning. And they prob their kids are probably, crying and throwing fit, trying to get the school, and then their car has problems and they spill something on themselves. They have had those bad days too. They are just as human and fallible and.

Weird as we are in many ways. And so sometimes that’s, that’s helpful to get you out of that, as you were saying, out of that spiral of, oh, this person is better than me. And, and falling into those doubts yourself. Yeah. Yeah.

Sara: And it’s, this isn’t intended to sound creepy, but sometimes if you just sit back and look at that person and think about those types of things of, imagine them maybe going to a Starbucks or yeah, being frazzled in the morning, packing lunches for kids. just look at that person.

they’re a human being just like you. And yeah, no need to put them on a pedestal.

Melody Wilding: Yes. Sara, what were some of your other favorite parts of Resilient? What did you find most valuable for your own journey and your own growth?

Sara: The community. That was huge for me. it was so comforting. I think it was, the beginning of the course you had mentioned that Sensitive Strivers were, were a smaller segment of the population and I, I completely agree with that. And, when you have these similar struggles that maybe other folks have common trainings and exercises and things like that, they’re just too overwhelming and it makes you feel like you have to just practice this 12 steps and it just, it’s overwhelming.

And so the community and resilient in my cohort, That was such a, a comfort to just be around other folks that, I felt, and I shared a lot of commonalities with behavior wise and thought, thoughtfulness. And, so that was one of the great, pieces or takeaways from Resilient and then just actually having realistic tools that I could use. Like I said, not having a 12 step process, and I, I remember you told us, you said, I’m giving you these tips and tricks, and you don’t have to use all of them. If there’s one that resonates with you, stick with that. and so, your grounding exercises, that that’s something that’s, that’s huge too.

 is this gonna matter in, or, or reframing exercises? Is this gonna matter in 10 seconds, 10 minutes, 10 years? it really helps better, put things into perspective. So, yeah.

Melody Wilding: Absolutely. Yes. And I, I always say that at the start of Resilient, treat it like a buffet because we know, even though you’re all Sensitive Strivers, you are all different and something that may resonate with you may not have resonated with one of your peers. And so we love to give those very tactical, tangible tools, but a, small variety of them, so you have some choice and you can test things out. Because even, even us having, options day to day, ’cause we may not feel like a certain thing on one day, it’s helpful. It’s helpful to have those options. So I’m so glad that was helpful, as well as just the, the community to find that sense of belonging where you don’t have to put on a front, we hope for a lot of people, it’s like the one area

 where they can come and they don’t have to put on that mask or that performance. And you can say something and everyone around the room like instantly gets it. And you see the heads nodding and you’re like, wow, I thought I was the only one for 30 years of my life that has dealt with this.

And suddenly you realize, oh, I’m not alone and I don’t have to have so much shame over this as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Sara, what would you say to someone else who may be considering resilient? Would you recommend it to them? what would you say to them about the program and what you found most valuable?

Sara: I, I would use the words do this for you. As Sensitive Strivers, we can really be our biggest critic. and we get into those thought spirals and so on, and we just, we’re not very good at, at giving ourselves slack. to your earlier point, we tend to have a servant’s mentality.

 and because of that, we wanna help, help, help. And if we don’t think we’re helping, then, we’re just hurting ourselves. And, I think to help be kind to yourself. Take resilient. So you’re able to give yourself those realistic tools, to help you just navigate the daily challenges of life or the daily challenges that are gonna come your way.

 I appreciate too that in the beginning, middle and end, you get to do diagnostics and just see, okay. Where are some focus areas because, to our last point in your taking trainings or thinking, looking for tips and tricks, it’s an overwhelming, how much is at your fingertips or at Barnes and Nobles these days.

So I appreciate that you can take the diagnostics and see, okay, maybe these are some key areas. Let’s make this journey more realistic, smaller, break it down and over time too. You can see your progress, which is great. And then maybe see some areas that it’s not a fault, it’s just where you need to take care of yourself more.

 And looking at it that way, and those reminders that you gave us, I just, it was, I, I did a lot of self-reflection and Resilient. and I actually took that time for myself, and I think everybody owes that. To themselves and, and if hearing you know, what a sensitive strive is, if, if that really talks to you, please do this for you.

So those are words I cannot stress enough to just do this for you. Take that time to help yourself so you can help others.

Melody Wilding: Sara, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, your experiences. It means a lot. I know this is gonna help a lot of people, so thank you.

Sara: Thank you.